The Ultimate Hen Party

I’m getting to be an age where people don’t wonder about it anymore when you get married (another 5 years and they’ll start wondering why I’m not yet married, but that’s a different story). This is no a roundabout way to tell you that I got knocked-up and that my suddenly catholic beliefs force me to marry or something. No, that is just an introduction to the fact that my friends are starting to get married. [A fact that I find so weird myself that I need to introduce it.]

Anyways, one of these friends is O. She’s getting married at the end of August and since her maid of honour is J. and J. is a talented organiser (and generally awesome person), I knew that we were playing in the big league for O.’s hen party. And boy did we ever…

It all started on a wonderful Friday morning. There were around 15 girls who came together at J.’s flat, anxiously awaiting O. who had no fucking idea what was happening to her. I mean, she thought she was going on a spa weekend in Budapest with J. Instead what she got was 15 giggling girls for brunch and a sex toy party.

Which is exactly what it sounds like, btw: a tupper party, only instead of practical plastic containers, you get practical plastic sex toys. We were sitting there for two hours, listening with rapt attention while this woman explained to us the different types of vibrators, dildos, cockrings, lubricants, handcuffs – basically anything that’s not too specialised or kinky. [Hmmm… What does it say about me that I don’t think handcuffs are kinky?]

[Before you ask, of course I bought stuff. (If you’re very sensitive: TMI warning.) I bought a vibrator that looks like a Dalek fucking a rabbit (I’m not even kidding – I can post pictures when I get it) which was so out there that I had to have it. I’m just not sure if I’ll have the guts to use it. And I bought a normal vibrator. And some pelvic floor training balls.]

Anyways. It was pretty interesting and very well done and it was fun.

But the weekend was far from over. (dun dun DUUUNNN!!!)


Because O. was actually right about going to Budapest: in the afternoon, 10 of us piled into a train – with a lot of champagne – and we went to Budapest, where J. had rented two apartments for the weekend. Of course, we already started playing the inevitable games in the train – O. had to answer questions about her fiance (it was all embedded into a rather complicated to story. In short, she had to answer the questions to save him from Interpol who thought that he was a gay mafioso) and for every wrong answer she had to drink a shot. Unfortunately, she was pretty bad, so she amassed a debt of five shots.

Then we arrived in Budapest and went to our apartments (which were cheap, clean, big and central – an ideal combination) where we changed into the same outfits. We all wore orange shirts with a pair of wings pinned to the back and a halo, only O. got devil’s horns and a red tail. And that’s how we walked through Budapest to go get dinner.

The pub we went to – For Sale – was pretty cool and had huge portions (and when I say huge I mean GIGANTUOUS) and was generally a nice place to be. [Also, we had dick straws (of course) which we brought ourselves and it was no problem.]

There, we continued with O.’s challenges (now she had to saw two pieces of cloth together, saw on a button, tie a tie and make up a speech on the solution to the gas crisis, all within 15 minutes. After dinner, O. faced another challenge: She had to make some money for her train ride back. So we headed into Budapest’s biggest streets and sold chocolate (Mozartkugeln. You could choose between burning or not burning), gingerbread and condoms. [People, the reaction other people have to condoms is frankly astonishing. Like it’s something disgusting and/or improper…]

We made about 50 Euros, which was pretty good. Also, it was fun. Especially when we ran into a group of Chinese men, who stared their eyes out but refused to talk to us (saying that they only spoke Chinese). They almost fell off their chairs, though, when J. started talking Chinese with them (she’s half Taiwanese herself) and then they paid 10 Euros to take a picture with us.

We finally ended the night in a club, where we danced until 3am. We also saw a guy who looked like Jesus and were talking about how we needed to go take a picture with him, dressed up as angels as we are, but we never followed through. Unfortunately.

On Saturday, we did some minor sightseeing and then had breakfast. Then we walked along Andrássy út, which is a beautiful, beautiful boulevard, even if a little decrepit and ended up at the impressive Heroes’ square and behind it the City Park.

In the park, abstrakt and I split from the group for this, the statue of Anonymous:


And was it ever worth it?! I was thinking about titling this post “Fun Times with the Nazgul” because it was so great. [Luckily I had a yellow scrunchie that day.]

After taking about a billion pictures, also of Vajdahunyad Castle, which is, quite frankly, amazing, we caught up with the others in the Széchenyi bath and spa. This bath has about 15 pools, all at different temperatures, 3 outside, the rest inside and it’s really nice. It’s also really full and the appliances are rather old and I don’t like warm baths (outside of a bathtub), but it was nevertheless a nice experience.

Unfortunately, my glasses decided to opt for suicide and I spent the rest of the weekend with a huge crack in one of the glasses.

But that did not dampen my enthusiasm. For, after dinner, we all changed into Moulin Rouge outfits (mine stood out a little bit. I decided to only wear tights and a shirt, going for the classic boyfriend shirt look, coupled with a feather boa and excessive jewelry to make it Moulin Rouge-y. Since my shirt was white, though, that meant that I was the only one not wearing black, though). And then the really fun part began: J. had rented a limousine. A HUMMER limousine. Stretch, of course. And it, or better its driver, drove us on a sightseeing tour through Budapest (of which I’ve seen exactly nothing because we were all too busy getting drunk in a limousine).

After the hour was up (much too quickly!), he dropped us off at the Moulin Rouge (yes, Budapest has one too), where we spent the rest of the night partying. I think we drove hom at around 3 or so and then came all together in one of the apartments and talked until 5.30 or 6am.

On Sunday, we all got up at a decent time (around 11ish) and went to eat Hungarian pancakes (in all styles, forms and shapes and with every kind of filling), right across from the parliament, which is absolutely a thing of beauty. Even more beautiful than the City Hall in Vienna (and that’s saying a lot).

After we had eaten enough pancakes for three lifetimes (did you ever try layered pancakes? It’s pancake, chocolate, pancake, nuts, pancake, anything sweet you like, pancake etc. all put on top of one another, then cut like a cake and drenched in chocolate sauce. It is awesome), we decided the best thing to do was to go for a walk and see a little more of the city. So we walked along the Danube, then headed to the Four Seasons Hotel (do you like art déco? Then this hotel will be your wet dream. Trust me, I know. It was for me).

Well, and then it was already time to head back to the train, which brought us back to reality Vienna.

I hope that O. had as much fun as I did. Because this weekend was seriously epic. Should I ever get married (which, I’ve decided, I will do if my husband is rich enough that the whole wedding party can live in the Four Seasons in Budapest and we can rent the Vajdahunyad Castle for the castle, I will so do), the people organising my hen party will have a hard time topping this one.

6 thoughts on “The Ultimate Hen Party

  1. Pingback: Two Things – Meme Monday « Stuff

  2. Pingback: Of Rabbits and Daleks (NSFW) « Stuff

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