An Officer and a Thug

A CHIEF of Police who had seen an Officer beating a Thug was very
indignant, and said he must not do so any more on pain of
dismissal.

“Don’t be too hard on me,” said the Officer, smiling; “I was
beating him with a stuffed club.”

“Nevertheless,” persisted the Chief of Police, “it was a liberty
that must have been very disagreeable, though it may not have hurt.
Please do not repeat it.”

“But,” said the Officer, still smiling, “it was a stuffed Thug.”

In attempting to express his gratification, the Chief of Police
thrust out his right hand with such violence that his skin was
ruptured at the arm-pit and a stream of sawdust poured from the
wound.  He was a stuffed Chief of Police.

The Conscientious Official

WHILE a Division Superintendent of a railway was attending closely
to his business of placing obstructions on the track and tampering
with the switches he received word that the President of the road
was about to discharge him for incompetency.

“Good Heavens!” he cried; “there are more accidents on my division
than on all the rest of the line.”

“The President is very particular,” said the Man who brought him
the news; “he thinks the same loss of life might be effected with
less damage to the company’s property.”

“Does he expect me to shoot passengers through the car windows?”
exclaimed the indignant official, spiking a loose tie across the
rails.  “Does he take me for an assassin?”