The Best of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2010

I’m a little late with this one this year, but here we are. My favorites of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, with the complete list here. [Also, can somebody please build them a new homepage? Unless the homepage is a meta-joke and supposed to be this bad.] It’s a pretty weak year, though. :(


For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss–a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.
Molly Ringle

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Top 10: YouTube Videos Shorter Than 30 Seconds

We all know that the internet is screwing with our attention spans. Let’s celebrate that fact!

Here are 10 videos shorter than 30 seconds and completely awesome. Most are funny, though a few are more black humour than anything else.

In any case, you will have reached the end of this post in about 10 minutes. If your internet connection is really slow.

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Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

[I don’t feel like writing a meme today, so don’t expect one.]

Award-season, ’tis ‘pun ‘s. Or something. I’m bad at old-talk. What’s much more interesting is that the The Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction Award Shortlist has been announced*. And the nominee list is once again illustrous**:

  • Paul Theroux for A Dead Hand
  • Nick Cave for The Death of Bunny Munro
  • Philip Roth for The Humbling
  • Jonathan Littell for The Kindly Ones
  • Amos Oz for Rhyming Life and Death
  • John Banville for The Infinities
  • Anthony Quinn for The Rescue Man
  • Simon Van Booy for Love Begins in Winter
  • Sanjida O’Connell for The Naked Name of Love
  • Richard Milward for Ten Storey Love Song

*Also, best reaction to the nomination ever:

“Frankly we would have been offended if he wasn’t shortlisted,” said Anna Frame at [Nick Cave’s] publisher Canongate.

**I don’t know if I should be offended or honoured that there’s only one woman on this list…

As I did last year, I’ll walk you through the availaible excerpts, bookbitching style. [Crossposted.]

Disclaimer: I haven’t read any of the books, so if some things aren’t as weird in context, I won’t know.

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Top 10: Excuses Why There’s No Top 10 List

10. The dog ate it. [Shit, don’t have a dog.]

9. I overslept. [It’s quarter to six. In the evening.]

8. There were these ninjas and the cheese and squirrels! [If C. doesn’t do it, it’s not funny.]

7. I forgot. [Then why am I typing this?]

6. Nobody reads these things anyway. [Now I doubtlessly will have insulted all my readers. Don’t go! You’re great!]

5. I’m a creative black hole. All the creativity is there, but it doesn’t get out. Nothing does. *maniac laughter* [After insulting my readers, I will now have scared them away.]

4. Lists are so uncool. [But… but… I LOVE LISTS!]

3. You know, there was this thing at work and suddenly I had something to do and there was no time to blog and I’m really really sorry and I’ll try to do better. [This is kinda true.]

2. I don’t know.

1. Hang on, there is a top 10 list now! [Well… Kinda.]

Top 10: TV Couples

[Got the idea from here.]

In tune with last week’s TV Themes, let’s stay with the glory that is TV Shows and have a look at who the couples are that make me root for them. Excessively.

What makes the whole thing difficult, though, is that I don’t watch a whole lot of TV shows were there’s much romance and when I do, I usually want all the couples to be happy. But I tried to make the list as little repetitive as possible.

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