The Best of the Lyttle Lytton Contest 2010

We’ve had the Bulwer-Lytton Contest, now on to the Lyttle Lytton one! Here’s the complete list, the following are my favorites.


“I shouldn’t be saying this, but I think I’ll love you always, baby, always,” Adam cried into the email.
Shexmus Amed

Honorable Mentions

Splashy the whale smiled secretively, flapping his flappers and swimming.
Jackie J.

The meteor formed a crater, vampires crawling out of the crater.
Peter Berman

“You are the greatest human in the world,” the dragon told the boy who desperately wanted to be a dragon, too.
Adam Contini

Zandor stood in the doorway, raking the onlooking crowd with the hot coals of his eyes.
Mark Caudill

“You are in pain; both physical and emotional,” my heart informed me.
Daniel Blackmore

“Great Caesar’s Ghost!” Amy sputtered. “What glorious lovemaking!”
Philip Stephen Ivanhoe

As someone who has menstruated, I thought, I could tell you it’s no picnic.
Mary Potts

Tuesday. Africa. Lion o’clock.
Jamie Harding

Found In Actual Published Books

Some things are so small, so miniscule, so atomically insignificant, they can be seen only from three feet away using the Hubble telescope. The heart of Jean Musgjerd is one of these things.
anonymous, quoting Rick Reilly, ESPN the Magazine, 2009.06.29

Nine-year-old Kyle Graddy looked out across a minor league baseball diamond for the first time in his life and pondered the possibility of his own death.
Dylan Telfer, quoting Thom Patterson,, 2009.10.21

Street punks live in a fantasy world of invincibility, and our fear turns their dreams into reality.
Duncan Cross, quoting Curtis Sliwa and Murray Schwartz, Street Smart

At the peak of a golden career Liu Yan lost control of the very limbs that experts say made her dances so magical.
Daniel Koning, quoting David Barboza, New York Times, 2009.04.17

Knuckles resembles a human, but with differences. Knuckles is neither male nor female, though referred to as a “he.” Three-quarter-inch-thick dark-violet-colored (FFA000E0) fur covers his entire body. He is only 25 1/3 inches tall, 4 inches wide, and 2.5 inches deep.
Neil Klopfenstein, quoting Nick Smith, Legend of the 10 Elemental Masters

*((Gotta put First Things First))*
Adam Cadre, quoting Sarah Palin, official transcript of resignation speech

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