Yesterday, I was a bit sleepless in Vienna, so I turned on the TV and got stuck until those annoying quiz shows started (“LINES FIFTEEN, TWENTY AND ONEHUNDREDANDSIX ARE NOW OPEN FOR YOU! CALL! THIS IS SO EASY! YOU CAN WIN TWOHUNDREDANDFIFTY EUROS IF YOU JUST TELL ME A MALE NAME THAT STARTS WITH THE SAME LETTER AS IT ENDS WITH! TWOHUNDREDANDFIFTY! CALL NOW! NOT ENOUGH? HERE ARE SOME TICKETS TO THE HERBERT GRÖNEMEYER SHOW, FOR YOU! CALL! CALL! PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE CALL!”).
Anyway, I watched this Best Of Show [you know, one of those where C-to-F-celebrities sit in front of a green screen and comment the topic and think they’re oh-so-funny], and this time it had sex as the topic. So I thought, “Interesting. Best of Sex. That must be good.” and surprise! it so was not. *sigh* I don’t know why I always make the same mistakes.
I give you the top 10 hottest sex facts, according to the show (and no, I really, really, don’t agree).
10. the best bodies
9. the most popular sex locations
8. the hottest dessous advertisements
7. the hottest wives of soccer players
6. most popular sex lies
5. sex with the female boss
4. the biggest sex scandals
3. the sexiest bachelors
2. the hottest advertisements
1. the most embarassing sex fiascos
Please take in the list in its entirety and tell me, if you could agree with that. And do let me know if you think that those are hot sex facts.
I tell you what I find so horrible about it:
10. the best bodies
No problem with that itself, although I wonder about the fact part, but I’ll let that slide for now. The thing that really annoyed me was that only bodies mentioned where female and only of female models, who mostly, to me at least, look like they should be strapped to a hospital bed and force fed.
There are some beautiful women out there, who actually have tits and an ass! Like Catherine Zeta-Jones. Or Beyoncé. Who are far from being fat, or even really curvy, but at least there’s something to hold on to…
And where are the hot male bodies? Where’s Christian Bale? Daniel Craig? Or if you want to keep it German [which, by the way, they didn’t], where’s Benno Fürmann? Or Moritz Bleibtreu? Or Til Schweiger? [To name but a few.]
Serious lack of chest hair, though.
9. the most popular sex locations
If there had been some kind of conclusion here, like “in Germany, the most popular location is ______”, I could have said, “okay, that’s a hot sex fact”. As it was, it was some people you may or may not know, depends if you work for the TV station or not, talking about places they fucked at/on/in. Not interested, really. Especially, because they were so not creative (bed, couch, car, …). No hotness, no facts.
8. the hottest dessous advertisements
They actually included male underwear here, but mostly horrible stuff like mankinis and thongs for men, which make me shudder. And not in a good way. [I’ll spare you and me the picture evidence.]
7. the hottest wives of soccer players
Oh, come on… It’s the ten hottest sex facts… seriously.
6. most popular sex lies
Sex lies are neither hot nor facts. So what’s it got to do in this list, nobody knows.
5. sex with the female boss
How about sex with the male boss? [If you have an attractive boss, that is.] And is the lead singer of a band really the boss of the guitarist? I doubt it.
And again, I question the fact part.
4. the biggest sex scandals
Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton? Not hot. Paris Hilton’s sex tape? Not so much of a scandal, in my opinion. And not hot either. Hugh Grant picking up a prostitute? Oh my… I couldn’t care less.
I’m trying to think of a sex scandal that I think is hot. Can’t come up with one.
3. the sexiest bachelors
Why is it always sexy bachelors with men? Can’t women just drool over male bodies? [I know I can.] Do men really have to be rich, successful and single to be sexy? It’s just unfair.
2. the hottest advertisements (TV spots)
Again, there were only females featured here, like the spot with Heidi Klum for those yoghurt gum thingies (which leaves me cold) or the spot with Claudia Schiffer in underwear. How about the tons of hot perfume ads, which have both, nice guys and girls? [I would post a video, but I’m at work and can’t access youtube. Search for yourself.]
1. the most embarassing sex fiascos
Sex fiascos? Not hot, not hot at all. I mean, happens, but it’s not something I would feature in my hottest things list.
Anyway, this motivated me even more to finally finish my sexiest scenes in movies list. And maybe even make a video of that. Or to give you an overview about the hottest music videos, which I talked about with deadra last week.
Maybe, I’ll get it done soon. Or maybe, I’ll just drool over the pictures of the guys I posted.
kalafudra's Stuff 
Talking of perfume ads, have you seen the ones that Wong Kar Wai directed?
Hypnos
Midnight Poison
NONE of them have chest hair. Clearly, that’s not an accident. And when you say “breast” hair it makes me realize why some people think it’s gross. :)
I’m sure you must have heard, at some point, the documented and at least partially proven wisdom that men buy more when they see women’s bodies (specifically, atleast partially naked ones) but women have no such response to men’s. Probably explains why you see more images of women than men in advertising. Can’t understand why in this case, though.Also, sex with a male boss probably brings to mind sexual harassment more than “hotness”.
@baph:
no, haven’t seen those. Right now, don’t have time, but will get back to it when I have.
@ramblingperfectionist:
Oh, the breast hair was a typo, will edit that.
And I like chest hair. I think it’s really weird that all men have to shave their chests in hollywood and advertisement and so on.
Yeah, it’s true. Women react to naked women with a sense of aesthetics, meaning they can say that they find them beautiful without being weird. Men don’t really react that way to naked men. Therefore, advertisement that is not being aimed to one specific gender, is usually made with women.
I DO know men who react to pictures of naked men with an aesthetic point of view. And they are not gay. Though usually they are very educated :o)
“Breast hair” sounds like “beast-hair”. What is the correct term? Chest hair?
@baph:
Have seen the commercials now. Very, very nice, both of them. Proves the theory that Wong Kar Wai Can Do No Wrong. :)
@L:
You’re right. I think that there’s a big change in that direction right now. A good one, too.
Chest hair’s the correct term. I guess, I was thinking too German when I wrote that. Happens more and more rarely. Too much English (internet).