We’ve all been there – we made our immaculate plan to take over the world. And it’s so perfect that we just have to share it. So, when our nemesis gets captured, the only person who could match us in intellect and cunningness, we have to tell her. There’s no way she could escape anyway.

Yeah. Right. And the next thing we know is that we get locked away for life.

And there are a hundred thousands things like that, threatening our very existence. That’s why some helpful minions took over the duty to collect the most common blunders, so that one day we will be successful.

There are two basic Evil Overlord Lists. The first is by Jack Butler. More or less coming into existence at the same time is Peter Anspach‘s list. Some of their tips are the same, but not all, so you should see that you learn both by heart.

Here’s some of what Jack tells us to do:

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues to my Master Plan in the form of riddles for my enemies to find.

I will not indulge in the practice of maniacal laughter, despite the proven stress-relieving effects of such behavior. When so occupied, it is too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more alert and attentive individual would notice.

I will not grow a goatee. Yes, it is true that in the old days they made you look sinister. Unfortunately, these days they only make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to demonstrate how evil I am. Loyal service should be rewarded… Which is how it becomes “loyal” service in the first place. And besides, honest messengers are hard to come by when you are in the Evil Overlord business.

I will not require ranking female members of my staff to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress code.

And here’s some of what Peter tells us to do:

My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoot him. No, on second thought I’ll shoot him then say “No.”

I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero’s rugged countenance and she’d betray her own father.

No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

For the rest, you will have to go to their sites and read them all.

Before you do, here’s one more tip [quote wiki]:

Teresa Nielsen Hayden, noted author and lecturer, uses an expanded version of the list in her lectures on writing science fiction. She recommends selecting five random clichés from the list, and using them, or their reverse (“Say you’ve drawn A-34, ‘I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.’ You can have a character turn into a snake and find it doesn’t help, or do it and find it very useful indeed”) as the basis for a plot.

And of course, there’s a movie.