[I sense some math theme going on here in the moment…]

Religion + Homemade Music + 80s = Absolute Hilarity

(Warning: Keeps being stuck in your head.)

via BoingBoing and Crummy Church Signs

Lyrics [phrases like this are added by me, if that isn’t obvious]

Jesus Is My Friend by Sonseed

Jesus is a friend of mine – Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine – I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine – Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine

He taught me how to live my life as it should be.
He taught me how to turn my cheek, when people laugh at me.

[Oh boy, do you need that ability now!]

I had friends before and I can tell you that – he’s one who will never leave you flat.

[I have friends, too, who will never leave me flat and they’re not Jesus. I think.]

Jesus is a friend of mine – Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine – I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine – Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine

He taught me how to pray and how to save my soul.
He taught me how to praise my God and still play Rock and Roll.

[What? YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT’S ROCK AND ROLL???]

The music may sound different, the message stays the same:
It’s just an instrument to praise his name.

Jesus is a friend of mine – Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine – I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine – Jesus is a friend of mine

[See the clever variation?]

Jesus is a friend of mine

Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is a friend of mine

Once I tried to run, I tried to run and hide.
But Jesus came and found me and he touched me down inside.

[Now, Jesus… When somebody says no, you don’t touch them down inside or outside, okay?]

He is like a mountain, he always gets his men,

[Do Mountains always get their men? Maybe I should become a mountain then…]

And he’ll zap them any way he can.

[When I first heard that, I thought he sung “tap” not “zap”. Must have been the influence of the above line… doesn’t make the actual one less disturbing, though… What do you mean by zap?*]

Zap!

[No comment.]

Jesus is a friend of mine – Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine – I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine – Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine

He loves me when I’m right, he loves me when I’m wrong.
He loves me when I waste my time by writing silly songs.

[He may, but honestly, I doubt it…]

He loves me when I’m quiet and have nothing to say.

[Oh, I wish that would happen more often…]

He’ll love me if I’m perfect, if I ever get that way.

[What a perfect opportunity wasted! Hang on, what you should have been singing:
He loves me when I’m loud and even when I’m gay.]

Woo!

Jesus is a friend of mine – Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine – I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine – Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine – I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine – J-j-jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine

*(Oh, shit and now I have Jesus Christ Superstar‘s Pilate in my head… At least, that musical I like… Have you ever seen the movie? That’s a variation of the equation: Religion + Professional Music + 70s = high qualitiy hilarity)