…by other people. :)

Dave Barry writes in the Miami Herald:

Anyway, my election analysis, based on weeks of reading political bogs, listening to talk radio and watching campaign ads on television, is that one of the following things is true:

• Barack Obama is our next president, which is very bad because he is a naive untested wealth-spreading terrorist-befriending ultraliberal socialist communist who will suddenly reveal his secret Muslim identity by riding to his inauguration on a camel shouting ”Death to Israel!” (I mean Obama will be shouting this, not the camel) after which he will wreck the economy by sending Joe the Plumber to Guantánamo and taxing away all the income of anybody who makes over $137.50 per year and giving it to bloated government agencies that will deliberately set it on fire.

• Or, John McCain is our next president, which is very bad because he is a 287-year-old out-of-touch multiple-house-owning fascist who will rape the environment and build nuclear power plants inside elementary schools and reinstate slavery and create tax loopholes that benefit only people who own three or more personal helicopters, after which he will declare war on the entire United Nations and then keel over dead and leave us with commander-in-chief Sarah ”Flash Card” Palin.

• Or, Ralph Nader is our next president, which is very bad because it means there has been a successful Klingon invasion.

• Or, the outcome of the election is being disputed because of irregularities such as unregistered horses voting in Ohio, or some Florida county tabulating votes in Roman numerals, or God knows what else, which is very bad because it means the next president will be selected via a giant Lawyer-Palooza court fight that will go on until it’s time to hold the Iowa caucuses for the NEXT presidential election.

Renal Failure answers the long posed question on how Superheroes vote. Now, the only question left is who would they vote for? RF says:

We think Batman votes Democratic because of his support for gun control.  Wonder Woman too because who’s going to tell her what she can and can’t do with her uterus? Iron Man probably votes Republican, just like Superman and Captain America.  We’re not sure about Wolverine, being that he’s Canadian.  Maybe Libertarian.

Fafblog on the Swing States:

IRAQ
Population: 29 million
Big issues: gas prices, the economy, explosion reform
Major swing demographics: Joe the insurgent, Joe the government-employed death squad member, Joe the sad bandaged child with one remaining limb
Electoral votes: 0
Leaning? maybe Nader

Unfortunately, as of now, Proposition 8 passed in California and will make homosexual marriages illegal again.