The Flash
Director: Andy Muschietti
Writer: Christina Hodson, John Francis Daley, Jonathan Goldstein, Joby Harold
Based on: Harry Lampert and Gardner Fox‘ character
Cast: Ezra Miller, Michael Keaton, Sasha Calle, Michael Shannon, Ron Livingston, Maribel Verdú, Kiersey Clemons, Jeremy Irons, Antje Traue, Ben Affleck, Nicolas Cage, George Clooney, Gal Gadot, Jason Momoa
Part of: DC movies
Seen on: 20.5.2023

Plot:
Barry Allen (Ezra Miller) tries his best to keep things going as The Flash, though the demands he gets from Batman (Ben Affleck) are not always easy to fulfill and still make it to work on time. With his father Henry’s (Ron Livingston) parole hearing coming up, there’s additional pressure on Barry because he is desperate to prove that Henry did not kill his wife, Barry’s mother Nora (Maribel Verdú). In his desperation, Barry manages to run so fast, he actually runs back in time. Taking a chance, he changes the past – with unforeseen consequences for past, present and future alike.

The Flash should be studied in film school to dissect all the ways a joke can fall flat. It really is amazing at letting all tension, including humorous, go up in smoke. In all other ways, it isn’t amazing at all.

I was debating with myself whether I really should see the film, given all the ways Ezra Miller screwed up in real life (to put it mildly), and also given the fucked up decisions in the DC movie verse (am I bitter about the Batgirl film? Oh hell to the yes). But ultimately, curiosity, my love for the Batman movies, and completism won out and I let myself be brought to the cinema despite my better judgement and also fully expecting a bad film.

The film we got was worse than expected, though, and surprising in the way it fails. Starting with The Flash’s calory counter. Couldn’t it just have read energy level? But this just shows how little this film feels thought through. It all feels hurried, loveless and seems to pay no attention to detail. That is particularly damning considering that it’s mostly a fanservice movie, paying hommage to the different DC movies (even some that never were) and trying to bring them all under one umbrella. It is the kind of film that should be absolutely bogged down with attention to detail, but instead it has a calory counter that counts down how many calories The Flash has left before he breaks down (because that makes complete sense), a plot point the film quickly and conveniently forgets as soon as it is established.

But the really breathtaking thing about this slough of a movie that feels so much longer than it is, is the way it fails to tell a single funny joke. And it really tries to be funny – an effort I would generally appreciate in the overall much too grimdark DC movieverse. There is no sense of comedic timing even when the jokes themselves are decent, and I don’t know if that’s worse because of the cast or the editing. Either way, nothing works here.

It was nice to see the various Batmen again and Michael Keaton really does his best. But in this film, nothing really stands a chance to be good or exciting.

Summarizing: skip it, before because of morals and of quality. Also, gimme Batgirl!