The Butler (2013)

The Butler
Director: Lee Daniels
Writer: Danny Strong
Based on: Wil Haygood’s article
Cast: Forest WhitakerOprah WinfreyDavid Oyelowo, Terrence Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lenny Kravitz, Mariah Carey, Alex Pettyfer, Vanessa Redgrave, Robin Williams, John Cusack, James Marsden, Liev Schreiber, Alan Rickman, Jane Fonda, Nelsan Ellis

Plot:
Cecil Gaines (Forest Whitaker) grew up on a cotton farm where he officially wasn’t a slave anymore but he practically was. When he was old enough, he left there and after a period of hardship was lucky enough to find employment. Bit by bit he works his way up to becoming a butler and finally gets recruited into the White House. But racism is still a major issue.

The Butler has a great cast and the time passes rather quickly when you watch it, but it’s a manipulative film (which I was prepared for and which isn’t generally bad) that is so sweet that it leaves you in desperate need of insulin to manage it. And that was just too much.

The_Butler

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Magic Mike (2012)

Magic Mike
Director: Steven Soderbergh
Writer: Reid Carolin
Cast: Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, Cody Horn, Joe Manganiello, Matt Bomer, Adam Rodriguez, Kevin Nash, Matthew McConaughey, Olivia Munn

Plot:
Mike (Channing Tatum) is a stripper with big plans: he wants to build and design his own furniture. Therefore he saves his money, works as a builder during the daytime and generally pursues many options. When he meets the young Adam (Alex Pettyfer), he introduces him into the world of male stripping, much to the disapproval of Adam’s sister Brooke (Cody Horn). But while stripping seems like easy money, it’s not all sunshine and kittens.

I would have loved to be able to write a good review of this film. I would have accepted both, if it was a fun-filled movie made for ogling guys or if it was an actual thoughtful film about the dangers of selling yourself as a piece of meat in a rather seedy environment. Unfortunately, this movie ends up being neither – instead it’s a ridiculous and boring mess.

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In Time (2011)

In Time
Director: Andrew Niccol
Writer: Andrew Niccol
Cast: Justin Timberlake, Amanda Seyfried, Cillian Murphy, John Galecki, Vincent Kartheiser, Olivia Wilde, Matt Bomer, Alex Pettyfer

Plot:
In a future where everyone stops aging at the age of 25, but dies when the clock in their arm hits zero, time has become an actual currency, much sought after by the poor. Will Salas (Justin Timberlake) is one of them, struggling everyday to find the next 24 hours to survive. After the death of his mother (Olivia Wilde) and a chance encounter with the suicidal Henry (Matt Bomer), who has over a century, Will finds himself with more time on his hands than he had ever seen before – and the police and time keeper Raymond (Cillian Murphy) on his tail, suspecting him of murdering Henry. So he decides to make a run for it and hit it big in the rich center of the country. But he soon finds that he has increasing doubts about the entire system.

I was more than willing to give In Time the benefit of the doubt. “Yes, all the reviews I read say that this film is incredibly stupid,” I thought. “But maybe they were all wrong? And even if they aren’t, maybe it’s still enjoyable?” Sadly, neither was the case.

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Beastly (2011)

Beastly is the Daniel Barnz‘ adaptation of Alex Flinn‘s novel, starring Alex Pettyfer, Vanessa Hudgens, Mary-Kate Olsen, Lisa Gay Hamilton and Neil Patrick Harris.

Plot:
Kyle (Alex Pettyfer) is popular, good-looking and an ass. As a punishment for his shallow ways, the witch Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen) curses him: He gets some piercings and tattoos turned into an ugly person and has a year to find a girl to fall in love with him even though he’s so ugly. Oh, and he’s ugly. So Kyle uses the one and only tried and tested find your true love method: he hides out at first, then starts stalking Lindy (Vanessa Hudgens), finally kidnaps her and then reads her some poetry.* And they say romance is dead.

As you can probably take away from my totally snark-free plot recap: Beastly is not a good film. Not only do they take the already problematic Beauty-and-Beast-premise and somehow manage to make it worse, they do so with bad acting and without any charm whatsoever. Nevertheless, be it the copious amount of vodka I consumed during the showing, the snarking or the actual film: Beastly was entertaining.

*POETRY: it works, bitchez.

[Since I’m about to rip this movie apart, it might be important to point out that I did not read the book, hence I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt and leaving room for the possibility that it didn’t suck. It’s unlikely, but possible.]

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I Am Number Four (2011)

I Am Number Four is the newest film by D. J. Caruso, starring Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Dianna Agron, Teresa Palmer, Callan McAuliffe and Jake Abel.

Plot:
A while ago, 9 young aliens and their protectors were sent to earth by a race that was about to be exterminated. The 9 children belong to a group of sentinels that are supposed to protect and rebuild their race. But the evil aliens that wiped out their entire world have arrived on earth, too and are now wiping out the remaining kids one by one. They already got to three – now it’s John/Number Four’s (Alex Pettyfer) turn.

I expected I Am Number Four to be so bad as to be hilarious. Unfortunately, the movie falls short of the mark and remains only really, really bad with some hilarious moments.

[SPOILER]

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