The Lucky One (2012)

The Lucky One
Director: Scott Hicks
Writer: Will Fetters
Based on: Nicholas Sparksnovel
Cast: Zac Efron, Taylor Schilling, Blythe Danner, Riley Thomas Stewart, Jay R. Ferguson, Adam LeFevre, Robert Hayes
Seen on: 22.2.2020

Plot:
Logan (Zac Efron) was a Marine in Iraq. One day he found a picture of a woman in the sand there, keeping him away from a blast site and saving his life. And he was lucky enough to return home, proof enough for him that that photo is a talisman that kept him safe. Once he returns to the USA, he becomes restless and starts walking – always looking for the woman on the photo. As luck would have it, he actually finds her, Beth (Taylor Schilling). Before he can tell her the real reason he came to her, Logan finds himself working in Beth’s family business – a dog grooming/training/lodging place.

I was in the mood for a sappy romantic film and I thought I could barely go wrong with a Sparks adaptation to scratch that itch. But The Lucky One is rather lukewarm, I have to admit – it feels a little too much like a color by number thing.

The film poster showing Logan (Zac Efron) and Beth (Taylor Schilling) almost kissing.
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Safe Haven (2013)

Safe Haven
Director: Lasse Hallström
Writer: Leslie Bohem, Dana Stevens
Based on: Nicholas Sparks‘ novel
Cast: Julianne Hough, Josh Duhamel, Cobie Smulders, David Lyons, Mimi Kirkland, Noah Lomax

Plot:
Katie (Julianne Hough) is on the run. While Det. Tierney (David Lyons) is searching for her, she manages to escape and ends up in a small town in the middle of nowhere. She decides to settle down there for a bit, however uneasy. Soon she starts a friendship with her neighbor Jo (Cobie Smulders) and with the town’s grocery store owner Alex (Josh Duhamel), a widower with two kids. But Katie isn’t safe yet.

You know, there are the kind of Nicholas Sparks movies where you might feel a bit ashamed to admit it, but they do touch you in all their unabashed cheesiness (case in point: The Notebook. How I bawled!). And then there are the films like this one where it’s all just too much and you can’t take it seriously anymore at all.

SafeHaven

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Nights in Rodanthe (2008)

I can summarise Nights in Rodanthe pretty quickly: Crap. Holy fucking shit, it’s bad.

Seriously… I knew that I wouldn’t be seeing the film of the year when I went to the cinema to watch it. But Nicholas Sparks is usually better than that [mild disclaimer: Have only seen movie adaptations and never read a book by him].

But I probably should have taken notice, when deadra told me about this one review she read, which basically said that the director should be whacked over the head with the screenplay because that used to be a fine book. I’m totally with that. No matter whether the book was good or not.


Both are happy it’s over. Me too.

Anyway, the story had tear jerker potential. Definitely. Unforunately, mostly it was so stupid that I could never get into the mood. [I probably should start bringing a sign with me when I watch movies like that in the cinema: WARNING! Snark in Progress.] But let me tell you about the stupidity, it’s always the most fun to read that…

You have to consenting, single adults. Their chemistry is sizzling. What do you have to do to make them kiss? Right. There has to be a storm, which makes a cupboard almost fall on her, so he can save her life. Then they might kiss.

Imagine, you take a walk on the beach. Suddenly, a herd of wild horses come galopping along. Very close. What is your reaction? Right. You drop to your knees. But only, if you can’t lay flat on the ground to ensure the trampling…

She spends the whole time during the day on the beach with at least three layers on. That’s sensible, it’s autumn and I guess rather cold. But when she goes out in the evening, she doesn’t even bother to wear sleeves?

And Nights in Rodanthe definitely takes away the prize for the worst euphemism for nipple. Post office. Post office! If any guys ever refers to any part of me as the post office, I’m going to kick him out of my bed and never let him back. Ever.

Richard Gere wonders, where his career went. Diane Lane wonders how she could possibly have made a worse movie than Untraceable.

Summarising: Don’t bother watching. In fact, destroy every copy of this movie you can find.