As long as anybody can remember, humans and vampires have been battling each other. And the vampires seemed to be winning – until the Priests came along, a specially trained task force sent by the church. They managed to relegate the vampires to reservations and a kind of peace has settled over the war-destroyed world. But then a small town on the outskirts is overrun by vampires and the young Lucy (Lily Collins) is abducted. Lucy’s boyfriend Hicks (Cam Gigandet) calls on her uncle for help – a Priest (Paul Bettany). Together they go after the vampires.
Priest is everything it promises to be: full of oneliners that are instant classics, hammy performances and plot and characters from the stereotype shelf. In short, it’s absolutely craptastic. The only thing that was really unentertaining about it was the lack of naked Paul Bettany: he only got to undress once and then only for a couple of moments. Not okay.
God is angry with the world and decides to end it all. Or better, to end humanity. So he sends demons and plagues and his angels to earth to exterminate everybody. Only Michael (Paul Bettany) thinks that this is a bad idea. So he defies God, comes down to earth, gets weapons and then drives to an isolated gas station, where Charlie (Adrianne Palicki) works, a woman pregnant with the saviour.
Make no mistake people, this movie is really, really bad. [Oh, Paul Bettany, what did you get yourself into? Twice?] It has probably the worst script ever and the Christian imagery is so over the top that probably even Christians will shake their heads in disbelief. But if you expect just that and you bring along a lot of snark, you’re going to have fun watching. [At least if you have my sense of humour, which enjoys bad movies.]