Machete (2010)


Machete is the newest film by Robert Rodriguez, also directed by Ethan Maniquis and starring Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Don Johnson, Robert De Niro, Cheech Marin, Jeff Fahey and Lindsay Lohan.

Machete (Danny Trejo) is basically the last police man in Mexico, who’s not corrupt. The evil drug dealer Torrez (Steven Seagal) doesn’t take too kindly to this and Machete finds himself trapped while he has to watch how Torrez kills his family.
Years later, Machete is stranded in the US and tries to get by with day labor, rather unsuccessfully. But then he gets hired by Booth (Jeff Fahey) to shoot the right-right-right-wing senator MacLaughlin (Robert De Niro), who wants to build a great electrical fence between the US and Mexico. Machete takes the job – it’s not as if he has much choice about it anyway – and finds himself in yet another trap. But this time, he fights back.

Machete is pretty much all it’s cracked up to be: gory, entertaining, funny… in short, the perfect B-Movie with a pretty strong political message. At times, it’s a bit lengthy, but if you like this kind of cinema, it’s totally going to make your year.

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Answering Questions Asked Through Google XXXV

Every time when I think that I can scrap this feature because people have finally understood that typing whole questions into search engines is an excercise in futility, the questions are back. *le sigh*

“is the movie jcvd in anyway biographical”?

Yes and no. The situation in the beginning of the movieVan Damme fighting for custody (though in reality he has a son, not a daughter), only getting crappy roles in crappy movies etc. that’s pretty true. (Though I don’t know if Steven Seagal really cut his ponytail for a role and therefore booted Van Damme out.) The whole robbery thing – no, that didn’t really happen.

“what is my favorite disney movie?”

Well, how the hell should I know what your favourite disney movie is? At that, how should anyone but yourself find that out?

“what is the difference between a buffalo”?

I’m pretty sure that this question was cut off. If not, it’s another genius example of what we call Anti-Humor here in Austria. I love it.

Other examples would be:

  • A pig goes round a corner and is gone.
  • A man gets on the bus, drives for five stations, gets off and goes into a shopping center. When he comes out again, the bus is gone.
  • Two scyscrapers sit in a cellar and knit oil. What is wrong with this picture?
    Fish don’t have wings.

And now, there’s

  • What’s the differenc between a buffalo?