Because some people read my pleas in the comments I leave, Shefaly tagged me. Did I already mention that I love tags?

Anyway, this one’s something special.

In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst movie you can think of. Bonus points if you have to show off your Google skills because you can’t remember the name of it and all you can come up with is that it features Roz Russell and Sandra Dee. Turns out it was some tripe called Rosie! Exclamation point the producers’ idea, not mine.”Auntie Mame leavings.”

In seven syllables, no more, no less, describe your worst date. Bonus points if it was sordid. Subtract points if it sounds too much like an overweight fifteen year old Goth girl.”He pushed my head down. I puked.”

In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst job you ever had. Extra bonus points if it consists of Grim. Taxi dancer. Miss Janey, I’m talking to you. I had a miserable spell where I sat all alone in an empty office, handing out the keys to various hell holes for rent around New Orleans. One Lady came back and complained there was no window in the kitchen, I pretended to sympathize and said something like “Yes it would be nasty to have no light and air in there.” She replied “No, hone, you don unnerstan. Dere’s a hole for de winna but ain’t no winna in it.” “Slum lord in training.”

Put it all together and you have a haiku of life’s low points.

Ok, here I go.

Betrayed left me void

Without pretense, surely death

Euphoric sweat, hugs

The explanations:

Betrayed probably wasn’t as bad as I remember it to be. But I think it was. Why it’s here [and not for example The Happening], is because I watched it alone, at about two in the morning and I was so appalled that I couldn’t make myself turn off the TV, even though I was really tired.

The date: In Austria, we don’t do much dating, really. But sometimes it happens. This time was a blind date with a guy I met through a chat room. He showed up and started talking and didn’t stop once. I think in the two hours we spent together, I said about 3 words. In the end, I pretended I had to go and wash my clothes or it would be too late to do it and took off. If he had continued talking, I think I really would have died of boredom.
That experience at least had one good result: I stopped chatting.
[I was fifteen at the time, looking back now, I think that I behaved like a bitch and that he was really nervous. But it still was a really, really bad experience.]

In my last school year, I wanted to make some money by taking on different jobs, most on a one-time-only-basis. One of them was working at the Vienna marathon, giving out medals in the goal. Every participant gets one, so we were like 15 people with about 1000 medals to give away each. It was the beginning of May and the first really hot day that year. The marathon started in the morning, and the runners came in relays, first the kids who only had to run a couple of kilometers and so on.
At about 11.00 it started to get really bad. The first people showed up who really ran a very long way, and the temperature rose to about 30°C.
Now, it’s widely known that physical exercise releases endorphins, which in turn make you euphoric. And physical exercise also makes you really sweaty.
Not a good combination for the poor girl standing in the goal, who is the first to congratulate you on making the run. For a good 3 hours, I was standing in the blazing sun, and got hugged by about 500 sweaty men (yes, only the men. The women obviously retained some kind of self-awareness). And worst of all, when you put the medals round their necks and they had short hair, you really had to be careful not to graze it with the band, because if you did, all the sweat would splash in your face.
Yuck.
And to top it off, I earned 30 Euros that day. 30 fucking Euros.

Okay, now you know my low points. Feel free to tell me yours. Again, I won’t tag anyone.