There are dog people and cat people (and I have heard rumours about bird people, but I have never met one personally). I consider myself a dog person, but cats are nice, too. Anyway, ever since the dawn of time and the domestication of wolves and lions (or something), there has been the discussion about who has the bigger dick smarter animal. Dog people say dogs are smarter because they can follow orders. Cat people say cats are smarter because they won’t follow orders. [Ideologically speaking, I’m more with the cat people here.]

Well, finally, the matter seems to be settled: There is only one animal who has an MBA, and it’s a cat.

Colby Nolan got his MBA degree in 2004 from the Trinity Southern University. Unfortunately, society wasn’t prepared for cats having MBAs, so Colby resorted to getting his human, coincidentally (?) a deputy attorney to say it was all his plan, so they can file a lawsuit against the University for fraud.

But I wasn’t fooled. So I took all my investigative abilities, a trenchcoat and a bottle of brandy and here’s what I uncovered:

The True Story of Colby Nolan

Colby was a very lively kitty, early on showing clear signs of a gifted mind and huge ambition. Of all his brothers and sisters, he was the brightest and soon managed to win every heart in his surroundings.

But Colby wasn’t satisfied with that. He didn’t feel challenged enough and resorted to counting the squares on his favourite sleeping blanket. When he realised that the blanket had exactly 64 squares, he started to play chess in his head. Soon, he had run out on worthy opponents, so he played against himself only.

When a young law student came to his home to pick up a cat, Colby saw his chance to flee this monotonous life style and did everything in his power to look cute and cuddly. And, as usual, Colby was successful.

So his new life started. Soon after the move to the law student’s house, Colby’s hormones kicked in and triggered an event, which would shape his course of action considerably.

It was the day the year book fotos were taken and, as usual, Colby’s picture got taken in the most unfortunate moment, capturing his uncomfortableness and dorkiness forever in a foto the law student adored, because he was sooo cute.

When Colby’s hormones adjusted and Colby left being a teenager behind, he saw the foto and was outraged. Why should he have all the downsides of a high school education, like eternal embarassment, but not the upsides, like being able to go to college and get a degree?

Gradually, he formed a plan. He would apply for uni, get a degree and show the world, what cats were made of!

So, he applied to several unis, but for lack of funds (he had to pay his tuition with the pennies he found in sofa cracks) and because he missed the deadline to apply for a scholarship, he had to go to Trinity Southern University. 

He studied and worked hard and easily passed all the tests and finally, graduation came.

But when Colby came home that day, the law student, by now a deputy attorney had discovered what has been going on and could convince Colby not to pursue his plan, but sue the university instead.

And we know the rest of that story.