I love me a good conspiracy theory as much as the next person. Elvis never died, but Paul McCartney did. The moon landing never happened, and Mel Gibson owns hundreds of “The Catcher in the Rye” books.
I can go on and on and on… the thing is, I’ve heard most of the big stories in one form of the other. But I hadn’t heard this one before:
Bielefeld does not exist.
Allegedly, Bielefeld is a city in North-Western Germany with about 330.000 inhabitants. But the thing is, it’s actually a huge cover up for an alien space ship. Or a government project. Or something. If you don’t believe me, ask yourself these three questions:
Do you know someone from Bielefeld?
Have you ever been to Bielefeld?
Do you know anybody, who has ever been to Bielefeld?
When [yes, when, not if] you answer all these questions with “no”, ask somebody else. [If you can answer any of these questions with yes, please contact me. I have some questions myself.] If you ask anybody else and they answer any of these questions with yes, immediately plan their kidnapping and interrogate them. Torture them, if necessary. And let me know what they have to say for themselves!
If you still don’t believe me, how about this story? [quote wiki]
Due to a mapping flaw, the satellite image and the street map of Bielefeld were misaligned in Google Maps’ hybrid view, placing most of the street map of Bielefeld into a forest area nearby.
Mapping flaw… misaligned… Who believes that shit? Bielefeld just isn’t there!
And don’t let yourself be convinced that it could be any different. Enough people don’t buy this story, so that the non-existant city council of Bielefeld receives a few calls and letters everyday, with questions about their unbeing. But obviously we have a friend, who works for THEM: There was a pamphlet, telling us that “Bielefeld does exist” (yeah, right, how gullible do you think I am?). And our friend saw to it, that THEY published it on April 1st, giving us the perfect hint.
Be really, really careful, though. This issue is bigger than any of us. THEY are everywhere and I don’t want anything to happen to you, okay?!
Mum: Listen, Tobias! Mum and dad are in a witness relocation programme! That’s why we need to move to a place nobody knows exists!
Tobias: To Bielefeld??