Monsters. If you are a horror friend as I am, you’ve encountered them in leagues. But also if you haven’t, I’m sure you have stumbled upon them from time to time.
Here’s my rundown of the scariest beasts (and yes, I’m not including real Humans).
[Beware: spoilers might occur. I’m making no promises except that they will be minor.]
10. The Poltergeists (Poltergeist)
I’m usually not one for ghosts. They don’t bother me, I don’t care much about ghost stories. But Poltergeist gets the details right, the things that used to scare us when we were children. The doll that moves in the dark. The tree which is out to get you with its shadow. And the Poltergeists use these things without hesitation and turn them against us.
I’d never thought that I’d shit myself watching a 80s horror movie. But shit myself I did.
Here’s the trailer:
9. Croup and Vandemar (Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman)
Messrs. Croup and Vandemar. Always polite and therefore even scarier. They’ll cut you open while exchanging small talk about the weather. And you can’t really run from them, and they’ve been here forever. And I can never decide which one of them is creepier.
Here’s the first part of the Neverwhere Mini-Series, introducing Croup and Vandemar as well. Though I do think them creepier in the book, showing them like this is way easier.
8. The Space Cowboy (Gerald’s Game by Stephen King)
Gerald’s Game is one of the lesser known King books. The premise is rather easy: Gerald and Jessie are at a remote location and Gerald handcuffs Jessie to the bed. You know, for fun. Unfortunately, he has a heart attack, leaving Jessie in quite a bad spot. While Jessie slowly dehydrates, she starts hallucinating. And one of the things she is seeing is the Space Cowboy, a guy who never says a word, he just stands there in the corner, with a fishing creel filled with bones and jewels. Human bones. [SPOILERS] Okay, okay, strictly speaking, it turns out later that the Space Cowboy is Human, but then again, I don’t have any problems including him here because he’s more terrifying in his half-imagined-by-delusional-Jessie-form. [/SPOILERS]
I read this book probably 10 years ago and I still remember what happens. Which should say all about it.
You can read the first few pages here.
[Of course, Stephen King has many different really, really creepy things in his books. That’s his living, after all. But from those I’ve read so far, this monster is my personal “favourite”. Definite Runner-Up though, is The God of the Lost in The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon.]
7. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)
Technically, Freddy Krueger started out Human, I know. But he isn’t anymore. So he’s on the list.
Anyhoo, I can hear you muttering “Oh, who hasn’t got Freddy Krueger on their list? What am I reading this for?” Well, you’re right. Of course, everyone has him on their list. Because he’s a fucking freaky thing. The thing about him… Actually, there’s a few things about him. One: His glove and the screeching noise nobody can stand. Two: He doesn’t just go out to kill, he’s actually interacting with his intended victims. Three: Goddammit, he comes to you in your dreams. When you’re vulnerable, when you can’t stop yourself and when logic or natural laws aren’t worth a thing. And Four: Crazy ass children’s rhymes.
Here’s the trailer from the first movie:
6. The House (House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski)
As far as things which are bigger on the inside are concerned, the TARDIS and this House are different ends of the spectrum. The TARDIS is everything good about it (more space! no trouble with parking!). The House is everything bad about it. There’s a stench of evil about it which you just can’t shake. Seriously, the house shouldn’t freak me out, not that much. But it does. I’m fucking scared right now.
You can read an excerpt here. My review is here.
5. The Flowers (The Ruins)
The movie is based on a book by Scott Smith, which I haven’t read, but really want to. Anyway, I can only comment on the movie.
It starts like any other teenie slasher movie – a group of friends go on holidays in Mexico. They hear about these ruins and decide to go there. And then things get really bad. The ruins are overgrown with sentient, murderous flowers. And they are really, really very scary. M. Night, here’s how you get things down when you talk about the revenge of plants.
Here’s the trailer:
4. Samara (Ring)
I only ever watched the American version and I’m honestly too scared to watch the original, because it’s supposed to be even worse. I remember watching it with L. and we were both freaked out afterwards. And the morning after.
Gives me the creeps. She flickers and skips. And the way she moves… gnaah.
Here’s the trailer (American version):
3. The Pale Man (Pan’s Labyrinth)
Actually, I was gonna say Capitán Vidal. Then I remembered the No Humans-rule. Skipped my mind there for a moment. That he was human, I mean.
The Pale Man, though, isn’t and he’s the central piece of creepiness in a very, very creepy and disturbing movie. It starts with the character design, continues with his back story and is completed by Doug Jones‘ movements. Although he has only one scene, it might be one of the most memorable scenes ever.
Here it is:
2. The Gentlemen (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, episode Hush)
Buffy, how I miss you… Anyway, the Gentlemen: Definitely the creepiest things to ever come on Buffy, in one of the best episodes (generally speaking) that the show has ever had. The silence, the smiles, the floating. Plays all together to make one hell of a monster. And there’s so many of them!
Plus, another crazy ass children’s rhyme. Children are creepy when they sing.
Here’s the trailer:
1. The Weeping Angels (Doctor Who, episode Blink)
Doctor Who has a plethora of genuinely creepy aliens/monsters. The Daleks, of course, but also the Vashta Nerada or the things that don’t have names in the episode Midnight. But the Weeping Angels hit my buttons perfectly. Because I have an irrational fear of statues coming to life. It’s true, I can’t help it. It totally freaks me out, even in otherwise not scary movies.
Here’s a collection of scenes:
kalafudra's Stuff 
You have no idea how amazing it feels to see the weeping angels from Blink on that list. That too number 1!
That episode is what got my sister interested in Doctor Who as well. Of course she’s become a David Tennant fangirl over the past few months.
The Ruins was surprisingly good wasn’t it? I watched it on a chance and only because I didn’t have anything else to do on a boring day…Now I’m glad. And yes, M.Night should take a few “leaves” out of that book :-)
The Pale Man (Pan’s Labyrinth)definitely belongs on the list. Creepy, creepy. It was a good movie.
@presti:
Oh, they deserve the number 1…
David Tennant is great, although I have to say that I wouldn’t have minded seeing Christopher Ecclestone a little longer. So, DT kind of had a bad start with me. But I’ve come to love him. And he’s brilliant. :)
@Ashwin:
Much the same here – watched it on a boring day and was surprised by the goodness. :)
lol@leaves
@e cigarettes:
Oh yes, he belongs. Pan’s Labyrinth as a whole was great.
..and DON’T FUCKING BLINK!
scheisse, dass ist echt gruselig o_0 und wie ging es aus? in dem video sieht mans nicht!
laesst mich dieses foto uebrigens voellig neu.. sehen: http://aws-asset.soup.io/asset/0132/9643_6418_450.jpeg
(nur dass sie zaehne haben, find ich unnoetig. ich mein hej, sie sind eh schon aus stein und engel und ur schnell, reicht doch..)
oh, buffy hab ich nie geschaut. das war die lieblingsserie von der uncoolsten person in der klasse, das hab ich mir automatisch nie gegeben :p zu meiner verteidigung: sie war auch charmed fan! charmed!
egal. auf jeden fall sehen diese lange-finger-typen sehr gruselig aus. brrrr. und sie schweben! das verstaerkt enorm…
samara waere wahrscheinlich meine nummer eins, denn ich hab mich noch nie dermaßen gefuerchtet, wie bei “ring”. ich hab uebrigens beide versionen gesehn, und ich fand die amerikanische um einiges schlimmer, weil die japanische subtiler arbeitet. und ich glaube, wenn man die ami-version davor schon gesehen hat, greift der unterschwellige horror der jap. nichtmehr so. zumindest meine erfahrung.
das aller aller aller schlimmste bei ring kam ja am anfang, wenn das eine maedchen stirbt, und die mutter erzaehlt dann, wie sie sie im schrank gefunden haben und BAM! du siehst dieses.. etwas. gnahhhh. hat mich lange verfolgt, und prinzipiell vorm schlafengehen hab ich den fernseher umgedreht und gegen die wand gestellt. sicherheitshalber.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgxayErS5As
das ist der einzige ring-trailer, den ich mir anschaun kann :)
(wenn ich schon dabei bin.. die zwei sind auch genial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dqg8APoyUjg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuVmh0pFohk)
bei mir waere auf jeden fall dabei:
-) das “geschichten aus der gruft” monster-erzaehler-ding, das ich noch aus meiner kindheit kenne..
-) EVIL DEAD O_O
-) die spiralen von uzumaki
-) das monster vom ersten teil der trilogie “unholy women”. leider ists nimmer auf youtube :/ auf jeden fall ein sehr grausliches ding, und als die frau verzweifelt fragt: wer bist du? sagt das monster: ein monster. und aus. brrrr.
@die andere Lena:
Es geht gottseidank natürlich gut aus… Die TARDIS – das ist die blaue Police Box verschwindet und man glaubt schon, dass es jetzt aus ist, aber dann kommt man drauf dass sich die Engel jetzt alle gegenseitig anschauen und phew… sie sind dadurch für immer Stein.
Die Zähne sind das am wenigsten Furchterregende an ihnen, da hast du recht… Aber du glaubst nicht, wie’s mich zum ersten Mal gerissen hat, wie ich sie gesehen habe…
lol@foto
Buffy ist’s echt wert. Wenn du willst, kann ich dir mal die DVDs borgen. Charmed hingegen… naja, lass es uns so sagen: das jemand die Genialität von Buffy auf einer Stufe mit der Crappiness von Charmed stellt, find ich persönlich beleidigend.
Anyways, Buffy beginnt relativ schlecht, aber wird mit jeder Folge besser. Die Dialoge sind super (unbeding im Original schauen!) und die Figuren sind super, aber das Beste sind einfach ihre Beziehungen zu einander und der ganze Humor, der da mitläuft.
Ja, die Gentlemen sind total gruselig. Du musst dir vorstellen, dass sie dir deine Stimme wegnehmen. Bzw. der ganzen Stadt die Stimme nehmen. D.h. du hast eine ganze Folge, wo eigentlich nicht geredet wird (und interessanterweise ist es eine der Folgen, wo am meisten kommuniziert wird). Das kommt noch dazu zu der Creepiness.
Samara… best not think about it… Wie ich das gestern getippt hat, ist mir echt wieder mulmig geworden.
Mit der Subtilität könntest du recht haben… Vielleicht schau ich mir den japanischen Film doch noch mal an. Oder vielleicht auch nicht…
Dass du den Fernseher umgedreht hast, kann ich echt gut verstehen…
Geschichten aus der Gruft hab ich nie geschaut. Aber das Monster schaut ziemlich grusig aus…
Evil Dead… ich weiß nicht. Teil 2 und 3 haben jegliche Gruseligkeit vom ersten Film zerstört. Ich hab mich dermaßen schief gelacht, dass ich nachher nichts mehr mit Bruce Campbell ernst nehmen konnte.
Uzumaki habe ich nicht gesehen, aber ich glaub, das muss ich jetzt… klingt sehr interessant.
Auch die Unholy Women klingen interessant, aber kannte ich auch nicht.
Sehr gut, habe ich wieder Material zum anschauen. Und mich fürchten. :)
I can’t say much about the list, because I avoid horror films like the plague. But the one that came to my mind immediately was Eugene Tooms – the cpeepiest Monster-of-the-Week ever to appear on the X-Files (Season 1 – “Squeeze” and “Tooms”).
Anyway, I love The Old Firm and the Pale Man, and I’m looking forward to watching the Weeping Angels.
That was supposed to say “cReepiest”, not “cpeepiest”. My fever-addled brain is letting me down. Soppy.
I hope you intended to type Soppy. *rofl*
As I don’t watch X-Files, I wouldn’t know about Eugene Tooms.
And I don’t know who you mean by Old Firm?
Yeah, you need to catch up with your Doctor… He’s not stopping for you, you know? :)
“Croup and Vandemar, the Old Firm. Nuisances eliminated, obstacles obliterated, bothersome limbs removed, and tutelary dentistry.” (one of my favourite bits in the book)
I’m sorry I can’t find a vid for Tooms…but he’s supposed to be this reptile-ish thing that hibernates in a cocoon made of half-digested human organs and comes out every few years to feed. He can squeeze through all sorts of small openings (think Mr Fantastic in creepy and disgusting). Oh, and did I mention the slime? Because there is slime. Very gross slime.
“I don’t break for Daleks and Deadras”
[TARDIS bumper sticker]
Ahhh… I didn’t remember that bit from the book. But it’s good. :)
Tooms sounds disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Is it weird to say that it’s the things like this that make me rethink my X-File-lessness?
lol@TARDIS bumper sticker.
No it isn’t weird at all. Good Monsters-of-the-week are hard to come by, after all.
I’d be more than happy to initiate you at your convenience ^_^
I’ll come back to you on this. Maybe I’ll just initiate myself. Then you don’t have to carry your tapes around.
We’ll see. :)
*shudder*
im uebrigen frage ich mich, ob du wohl als kind auch vor “donner, wetter, blitz” angst hattest… erinnert mich an die statuen ;)
@L:
Exactly. :)
@die andere lena:
Hmmm… Donner, Wetter, Blitz war interessanterweise nie ein Problem. Wobei du natürlich mit deiner Assoziation nicht unrecht hast. Wird mich jetzt wahrscheinlich verfolgen…