I didn’t think it was possible to do this list and not include James Caviezel. BUT I DID IT!

Anyhoo, please remember that I’m an atheist and therefore probably the devil. You might be offended by my choice of roles. If so, move along, nobody forces you to read it.

Right, now we have that out of the way…

10. Tristan Bell – Zombie Jesus!

You know, Zombie Jesus was what the world was waiting for. And here we have the simple, but very effective dialogue:

Priest: (kneels in front of Jesus) I am but your humble servant. What will you have of me?
Jesus: Braaaains.

Just for that, you have to love it.

Here’s the trailer:

9. Miguel Mas – Jesus Christ: The Musical

I’ll let the clip speak for itself. Because it’s awesome.

8. Phil Caracas – Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

Because what is even cooler than Zombie Jesus? That’s right, Jesus Christ the campy Vampire Hunter. With great Kung-Fu scenes. And better dialogues:

God: Jesus…
Jesus Christ: Is that you, bowl of cherries?
God: Do bowls of cherries talk, Jesus?
Jesus Christ: I don’t know. I’ve seen a lot of strange things over the years.
God: You need help, Jesus, and I will not forsake it.
Jesus Christ: Ohh, it’s you Dad. So what’s your advice?

Here are some clips:

7. I have no idea what his name was – Cirkus Cirkör‘s Romeo and Juliet

Cirkus Cirkör is a wonderful circus from Sweden. They do things a little differently than other circuses – they actually do plays. For example, Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare. They speak the normal dialogue, they just do it on a trapeze. Or while jumping around, or while juggling. It’s beautiful to look at and it generally was a wonderful experience.

Now, in Romeo and Juliet there’s not actually the role of Jesus. But to signify the church, they had an actual guy climb on a cross in the background. And everytime before he had to climb the cross, he made a bit of a fuss, saying that he didn’t want to climb it again etc. etc. It was very funny. I know it doesn’t sound like much now, but me still vividly remembering after six years should tell you something.

Unfortunately, there’s no clip from this show, but there is the trailer for their next show, featuring a beautiful song by Irya’s Playground:

6. Jack Black – Prop 8: The Musical

Look at the wig! Look at him dance! And for crying out loud it’s JACK BLACK we’re talking about!

5. Nirvana‘s Heart-Shaped Box Jesus (whatever the actor’s name is)

Okay, so this one’s not that funny as the other ones. But it’s nevertheless a great Jesus in a great music video.

4. Ted Neeley – Jesus Christ Superstar

I seriously love this musical. And Ted Neeley does a perfect Jesus – whimsical, full of doubt and very resigned, showing Jesus the Man and not Jesus the Son of God.

And the music is great, too.

3. John Torturro – The Big Lebowski

Well, who said that it all had to be Jesus Christ? Nobody fucks with the Jesus. And this one’s cult.

2. Bill Bailey – Black Books, Season 1 Episode 1: Cooking The Books

Bill Bailey plays Manny, a stressed out accountant who buys “The Little Book of Calm” because he hates his job. By accident he swallows the book though. But when the doctors try to operate it out of him, it’s gone. And Manny is Jesus.

See for yourself (and yes, the doctor is Martin Freeman).

1. Graham Chapman – Life of Brian

I know that there’s an actual Jesus in Life of Brian, not only Brian, but honestly Brian is the best Jesus version ever. Don’t you think?