Immortals (2011)

Director: Tarsem Singh
Writer: Charley Parlapanides, Vlas Parlapanides
Cast: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Freida Pinto, Stephen Dorff, John Hurt, Luke Evans, Joseph Morgan, Isabel Lucas, Kellan Lutz

In a brutal attempt for power, King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) is looking to free the imprisoned Titans, a task for which he needs the legendary Epirus Bow. In search of the bow and the titans, he is destroying half of Greece and also reaches the village where Theseus (Henry Cavill) grew up. Theseus, a personal favorite and disciple-without-knowing-it of Zeus (Luke Evans), starts to stand up to Hyperion, something the gods can not do since their laws forbid their intervention as gods.

Immortals is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful film, but much like the stereotypical blond, behind the looks there is not much you can engage with. Well, unless you’re completely into bad dialogues, which I totally am.

I like Tarsem Singh and his visual style. His films always are feasts for the eyes and in this one, I even appreciated the 3D – a very rare occurrence. But unfortunately the film is unlike The Fall and more like The Cell and the pretty looks can’t hide the bad script. The dialogues were ridiculous and the motivations of the characters basically non-existant. And I won’t get into its treatment of women.

But that was kind of entertaining. What actually really and irrevocably sucked in a non-entertaining way was the editing. Holy crap, was that annoying. And bad.

But then again there were many pretty people in very little clothing with nice abs. And it was also a good choice to have them wear less clothing because most of the costumes were really weird. Especially the random instances of bling repeatedly weirded me out. And whoever designed Freida Pinto’s dress apparently hated her breasts and wanted to choke them to death.

The ending was very sequely (“Immortals 2: Still Alive”) but for that image of the sky full of fighting gods, I would have endured much worse endings than that. Because woah.

Summarising: If you put up with TEH STOOPID because of TEH PRETTY, you will enjoy this one a lot.


  1. “then again there were many pretty people in very little clothing with nice abs”

    ” If you put up with TEH STOOPID because of TEH PRETTY, you will enjoy this one a lot.”

    <3 I love your reviews.

  2. We have a similiar sense of humour- maybe that should bother you. :P
    I think the film is a bit confusing and illogical. And I never understood Hyperion’s motives, why did he want to befriend Theseus? And why all these random killings and torturings, totally gross and uncool. Villains are supposed to have twisted characters and cool one-liners.
    And Theseus? Oh, well, at least he had little clothing. :P

    … And I found a link you might like:

    • The film is not only a bit confusing and illogical, it is completely confusind and illogical. The way to get through it is by not thinking about it, at all.



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