The Scorpion King: Rise of a Warrior (2008) – DNF

The Scorpion King: Rise of a Warrior
Director: Russell Mulcahy
Writer: Randall McCormick
Prequel to: The Scorpion King
Cast: Michael Copon, Karen David, Simon Quarterman, Andreas Wisniewski, Randy Couture

Mathayus (Michael Copon) just finished his training as a scorpion warrior, a famous group of bodyguards. But when he returns to his home town, the rightful king has been killed by Sargon (Randy Couture) who has taken over the throne. When Sargon wants Mathayus to kill his own brother, Mathayus makes a run for it, meeting up with his friend from childhood Layla (Karen David) and wisecracking poet Ari (Simon Quarterman) who leads them towards an adventure in the underworld.

This movie is absolutely unbearable. I didn’t think that it would be any good, but I thought it would be entertaining – like the first one. Unfortunately, this is a film without any charm whatsoever. Plus, it’s dumb as hell and, not that the first film was any story continuity miracle, but it pretty much destroys everything that makes it fit together with The Scorpion King (and let’s not even mention The Mummy Returns). At first I was surprised that they remembered that Mathayus had a brother – and then they go ahead and kill him off? [To be fair, it is entirely possible that they bring him back to life since they’re adventuring in the (Greek) underworld but I did not want to stick around and find out.]

Anyway, I managed to watch this movie for about an hour, which is already much more than it deserves. But then I just had to turn it off. Long story short, you really shouldn’t watch it. Nobody should.


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