Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Director: Joachim Rønning, Espen Sandberg
Writer: Jeff Nathanson
Sequel to: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Cast: Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, Geoffrey Rush, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario, Kevin McNally, Golshifteh Farahani, David Wenham, Stephen GrahamAngus Barnett, Martin KlebbaAdam Brown, Giles New, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Paul McCartney
Seen on: 30.5.2017

Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) is approached by a young man, Henry (Brenton Thwaites), who needs to find the Trident of Poseidon to break his father’s curse, his father none other than Will Turner (Orlando Bloom). As luck will have it, Jack also desperately needs the Trident as very recently, vengeful ghost Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem) managed to free himself from the Devil’s Triangle and is now hellbent on ridding the seas of all pirates, particularly Jack. And even more luckily, Henry runs into Carina (Kaya Scodelario) who happens to have all the necessary clues to find the Trident – if she can only get out of being tried and executed as a witch.

My excitement to watch yet another installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean series was rather low (especially with Johnny Depp the abuser at the forefront of the film), but since it became a group outing and there is a certain amount of nostalgia attached to these films, I ended up seeing it anyway. I shouldn’t have bothered.

PotC: Dead Men Tell No Tales feels like a semi-reboot of the series, introducing a new generation of characters that I could not give a damn about. They get dropped into the story rather unceremoniously and we’re supposed to care because we’re supposed ro care. And I just didn’t.

That is part of the reason why the film feels about 300 years long. The other part was that it was yet another film about daddy issues. Hollywood’s obsession with fathers needs to stop yesterday. I for one am bored to tears by that particular plot construction. And it’s pretty much everywhere in this film.

Admittedly, it’s been a while that I saw the older PotC movies, so maybe this is not a new development, but I was also struck by the way Jack Sparrow walks around spouting sexist crap all the time. It felt like a new turn – and definitely a turn for the worse.

There were a couple of funny moments and Golshifteh Farahani managed to make the most of her role (with the material given that’s still not a lot, though, meaning that she was very much wasted on the film). But ultimately the film has nothing that makes it worth it. That they tease yet another installment at the very end feels therefore more like a threat than anything else.

Summarizing: Leave it. Skip it. Walk away.

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