To understand what follows, a few preparatory remarks.
Maybe you’ve heard, Leonardo DiCaprio and Vladimir Putin joined hands in the fight for the Tiger. But before Leo could actually show up, his flight was delayed but he came anyway – which led Putin to call Leo “a real man.” Basically, it was already the stuff legends are made of.
I started talking with a few friends about it and suddenly – much like Brangelina – Leo Putin was born.
A few days later, the following exchange happened on twitter:
@kalafudra: Now it’s started. I’m actually looking up German translations for English words so I can write an article in German. O_o
@kathrintha: would you like to use this fully animated,interactive dictionary here?I’m on MSN,or here,or on the phone :)
@kalafudra: Since my focus is down the drain, I’m writing about five words an hour. Unless I pick up speed, I don’t think there’s much to do
@kathrintha: well…I should tell you that I have a bottle of wine next to me…so ask soon or ask tomorrow ^.~ #IdrinkthereforeIshallsleep
@kalafudra: Well, there’s always Leo…
@kathrintha: Of course…Leo Putin to the rescue!!!
@kalafudra: Exactly. First the tigers, then the kalafudras.
@kathrintha: That’s the natural order of things,I’m afraid.Shack up with Siegfried and Roy and you might jump the queue ^^
@kalafudra: I wonder what I would do chez S&R. Probably getting rid of tiger shit. Or something like that.
@kathrintha: sewing sequins on random items of clothing
@kalafudra: Oh, exactly my strong suit! I might even get to glitter stuff.
@kathrintha: definitely…all day long! glittery socks, undershirts, … you’d never run out of things to decorate.
@kalafudra: What a dream! Btw “to chant” in German?
@kathrintha: Buddhist? “chanten”, Church-style: “singen” (geht nicht besser…das Wort fehlt bei uns.)
@kathrintha: or football-fan-style? (“grölen”)
@kalafudra: somehow I only got 1 tweet, which probably should have been 2 (unless you just gave me one “or” option). I went with skandieren.
@kalafudra: Oh, suddenly tweet 2 is here. Anyway, meant more in “chanting someones name in an adoring, but slightly creepy way”
@kathrintha: yeah, then “skandieren” is probably the closest you’re going to get in German. wtf are you writing about?
@kalafudra: I’m writing my Firefly article for tomorrow. At the pace I’m going (and the vodka shots I’m doing), it’s gonna take me hours yet
@kathrintha: aaaah…good combination,though ^^
@kalafudra: Definitely. Though I’m still searching for the right soundtrack for that work. ;)
@kathrintha: “Knights of Cydonia”
@kalafudra: Oh, very nice. Very, very nice indeed. *ridesoffintothesunset*
@teashoe: May I just interject that I am highly entertained by your conversation? That is all.
@kalafudra: In that case, my work is done. ;)
@kathrintha: we aim to please ^^
@kalafudra: Though I now feel kinda obligated to be witty. And since I had my 7th Klopfer [a vodka based shot drink, ed.], this is not very likely.
@teashoe: Don’t feel pressured. It’s hard to top Leo Putin and sequins on underwear. ;)
@kalafudra: Since that’s all deadra’s wit, this really takes the pressure from me. ;)
@kathrintha: That sounds like it came from JK Rowling: “Leo Putin And The Underwear of Sequins”
@kalafudra: See? Case in point. *rofl*
@teashoe: lol If we keep going with this Leo Putin stuff, I might start shipping them… :P
@kalafudra: Especially since deadra already supplied you with the perfect title for the first fanfic.
@kathrintha: Okay,that would be so very, very wrong. Thanks for putting those pictures in my head when I’ve had a drink. You’re evil.
@kalafudra: I’ve already written half the fic in my head. If I finish my article sometime soon, I might actually start to write it
@teashoe: Oh god, now you did it. This has to be happening!! The world is in dire need of such a fic!
@kathrintha: I’m giggling about something involving Vladimir Putin IN BED. I feel dirty now.
@kalafudra: Well, that’s what friends are for: give you bad ideas and make you feel dirty.
@kathrintha: well,this was fun.Now I get to go to sleep with dirty images of Leo and Putin in my head. Good night,you!
@kalafudra: Sleep tight. And have nice dreams. *inserteyebrowwigglehere*
@teashoe: Well, have sweet dreams involving neither of them! (Okay, maybe Leo alone wouldn’t be too bad…)
I was fully prepared to make good on my promise when I got around to it. But along came this:
And I just knew I couldn’t wait till I had the time – I would make the time to write this fic and if everything else had to come to a complete standstill, it would.
So, here we are. If you brave the jump, you can read all about Leo Putin and the Underwear of Sequins. Including pictures.
And just to get the legal stuff out of the way: I’m not saying that anything of what I write below actually happened. Though Leonardo DiCaprio and Vladimir Putin are real persons, I don’t know squat about them or there personal life, but I’m reasonably sure that there is nothing to ‘ship there. Though a few incidents I refer to actually kinda happened, I’m taking huge poetic license. This is a work of fiction with a dash of satire and should be seen that way.
Also, the story is not really sexy [even I didn’t want to picture Putin getting it on (you’re welcome)], but it’s gay love. So if you have a problem with that, go somewhere else.