The Revenant (2015)

The Revenant
Director: Alejandro González Iñárritu
Writer: Mark L. Smith, Alejandro González Iñárritu
Based on: Michael Punke‘s novel, a ficitonalized version of Hugh Glass‘ life
Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hardy, Domhnall Gleeson, Will Poulter, Forrest Goodluck, Paul Anderson, Kristoffer Joner, Joshua Burge, Duane Howard, Melaw Nakehk’o, Fabrice Adde
Seen on: 19.1.2016

Plot:
Hugh Glass (Leonardo DiCaprio) is guide to a troupe of fur traders/soldiers led by Captain Andrew Henry (Domhnall Gleeson). It’s a dangerous mission which is soon proven by an attack by a group of Arikaras, closing off their planned return route. But the problems don’t end there – Glass himself gets attacked by a bear and only barely escapes with his life. As he is deeply wounded, caring for him would mean risking the lives of all the other men, so Captain Henry asks some to stay behind until Glass passes on, which seems a certainty. shifty Fitzgerald (Tom Hardy) and idealistic Bridger (Will Poulter) stay behind, as well as Glass’ son (and half-Pawnee) Hawk (Forrest Goodluck). But things don’t go as planned: Fitzgerald betrays Glass and Glass, against all odds, suvives and swears to get his revenge.

The Revenant is a good film though I’m not quite as taken with it as everybody else seems to be. Maybe because I’m not a man and this is a film very much concerned with one particular brand of masculinity.

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The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

The Wolf of Wall Street
Director: Martin Scorsese
Writer: Terence Winter
Based on: Jordan Belfort‘s book
Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie, Matthew McConaughey, Kyle Chandler, Rob Reiner, Jon Bernthal, Jon Favreau, Jean Dujardin, Joanna Lumley, Shea Whigham

Plot:
Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) dreams of making a whole lot of money on Wall Street. At first this seems rather impossible, especially since the stock markets crash right when Jordan gets his broker’s license. But then Jordan finds a way to make it big, even if it’s not entirely legal. He enjoys the money way too much to care about that. Even when the FBI gets involved, he can’t stop.

The Wolf of Wall Street was one of the most uncomfortable movie experiences I had in recent times. It was not only the content, but also the length and the audience that had me cringing.

wolfofwallstreet

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The Great Gatsby (2013)

The Great Gatsby
Director: Baz Luhrmann
Writer: Baz Luhrmann, Craig Pearce
Based on: F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel
Cast: Tobey Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprioCarey Mulligan, Joel Edgerton, Elizabeth Debicki, Isla Fisher, Jason Clarke, Adelaide Clemens, Amitabh Bachchan, Callan McAuliffe

Plot:
Nick Carraway (Tobey Maguire) decided to get into the bond business. He moves into a little house just outside of New York and reconnects with his cousin Daisy (Carey Mulligan) who lives nearby after getting married to Tom (Joel Edgerton) who comes from a whole lot of old money. Nick’s next door neighbor is a man called Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio), who is filthy rich as well, but from new money. Gatsby celebrates grand parties every weekend. When Nick is invited to one, he finds out that Gatsby and Daisy are somehow connected.

Unfortunately I didn’t love the movie as much as I loved the book. It wasn’t that bad but there were also a few issues, making the movie work only half of the time.

The-Great-Gatsby

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Django Unchained (2012)

Django Unchained
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Writer: Quentin Tarantino
Cast: Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Samuel L. Jackson, Kerry Washington, Walton Goggins, James Remar, Amber Tamblyn, Bruce Dern, Zoe Bell, Don Johnson, Jonah Hill, Franco Nero, Quentin Tarantino

Plot:
Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz) is a bounty hunter who’s looking for a trio of brothers that he can’t identify. But he knows that the recently sold slave Django (Jamie Foxx) can. So he goes after Django and frees him in return for his help with the bounty hunting. Django agrees and the two of them start working very well together. But Django really wants to get his wife (Kerry Washington) back who has been sold separately. So he and Schultz hatch a plan how to get her out of the clutches of Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio).

Django Unchained was pretty damn great. It wasn’t perfect, but it was fun, had a great cast, beautiful cinematography and, as usual for Tarantino movies, an amazing soundtrack.

DjangoUnchained

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Re-Watch: Titanic (1997)

Titanic
Director: James Cameron
Writer: James Cameron
Cast: Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, Billy Zane, Kathy Bates, Frances Fisher, Gloria Stuart, Bill Paxton, Bernard Hill, David Warner, Victor Garber, Jonathan Hyde

Plot:
Over 80 years after the Titanic has sunk, Brock Lovett (Bill Paxton) is sifting through the wreck, looking for a diamond that was lost with the ship. But the closest he ever got to it was when he found a drawing of a girl with that diamond around her neck. And then that same girl, Rose – by now an old woman (Gloria Stuart) – gives him a call and comes to their ship to tell him about what happened on the Titanic: how the young, rich Rose (Kate Winslet) fell in love with poor artist Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) and how it came to the sinking of the Titanic.

Of course I saw Titanic when it came out. I was even one of the people who saw it in the cinema twice (not because I was so in love with Leo – in fact, I thought Bill Paxton was way more attractive – but because I had promised two different friends that I’d go with them and couldn’t manage to get them to go on the same day. The scheduling conflicts of the 13-year-olds). And I even saw it a couple of times since (though not in the last ten years or so). But until I saw it in the cinema again this time round, I never realized that Titanic is actually a beautiful, if kitschy and excellent movie.

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J. Edgar (2011)

J. Edgar
Director: Clint Eastwood
Writer: Dustin Lance Black
Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Armie Hammer, Judi Dench, Naomi Watts, Dermot Mulroney, Josh Lucas, Zach Grenier, Jeffrey Donovan, Lea Thompson, Ed Westwick, Stephen Root

Plot:
John Edgar Hoover (Leonardo DiCaprio) dreams of a bureau of invesitgations that is based on scientific principles and used against the bolshevik threat he sees for the country. He gets his chance to start such a bureau and with the help of his trusted secretary Helen Gandy (Naomi Watts) and his soon to be second in command/love of his life Clyde Tolson (Armie Hammer) he is soon very successful. But once risen to power, Edgar clings to it desperately, not caring much for concerns like legality.

I really liked this movie very much and nobody is as surprised about it as I am. I mean, a Clint Eastwood movie that’s not boring? How did that happen?

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Leo Putin and the Wet Seduction

And so it continues. (Maybe it will become an annual thing, but I won’t promise anything.) And it’s this picture’s fault:

As usual: I’m not saying that anything of what I write below actually happened. Though Leonardo DiCaprio and Vladimir Putin are real persons, I don’t know squat about them or their personal life, but I’m reasonably sure that there is nothing to ‘ship there. This is a work of fiction with a dash of satire and should be seen that way.

Brace yourselves.

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Leo Putin and the Underwear of Sequins

To understand what follows, a few preparatory remarks.

Maybe you’ve heard, Leonardo DiCaprio and Vladimir Putin joined hands in the fight for the Tiger. But before Leo could actually show up, his flight was delayed but he came anyway – which led Putin to call Leo “a real man.” Basically, it was already the stuff legends are made of.

I started talking with a few friends about it and suddenly – much like Brangelina – Leo Putin was born.

A few days later, the following exchange happened on twitter:

@kalafudra: Now it’s started. I’m actually looking up German translations for English words so I can write an article in German. O_o
@kathrintha: would you like to use this fully animated,interactive dictionary here?I’m on MSN,or here,or on the phone :)
@kalafudra: Since my focus is down the drain, I’m writing about five words an hour. Unless I pick up speed, I don’t think there’s much to do
@kathrintha: well…I should tell you that I have a bottle of wine next to me…so ask soon or ask tomorrow ^.~ #IdrinkthereforeIshallsleep
@kalafudra: Well, there’s always Leo
@kathrintha: Of course…Leo Putin to the rescue!!!
@kalafudra: Exactly. First the tigers, then the kalafudras.
@kathrintha: That’s the natural order of things,I’m afraid.Shack up with Siegfried and Roy and you might jump the queue ^^
@kalafudra: I wonder what I would do chez S&R. Probably getting rid of tiger shit. Or something like that.
@kathrintha: sewing sequins on random items of clothing
@kalafudra: Oh, exactly my strong suit! I might even get to glitter stuff.
@kathrintha: definitely…all day long! glittery socks, undershirts, … you’d never run out of things to decorate.
@kalafudra: What a dream! Btw “to chant” in German?
@kathrintha: Buddhist? “chanten”, Church-style: “singen” (geht nicht besser…das Wort fehlt bei uns.)
@kathrintha: or football-fan-style? (“grölen”)
@kalafudra: somehow I only got 1 tweet, which probably should have been 2 (unless you just gave me one “or” option). I went with skandieren.
@kalafudra: Oh, suddenly tweet 2 is here. Anyway, meant more in “chanting someones name in an adoring, but slightly creepy way”
@kathrintha: yeah, then “skandieren” is probably the closest you’re going to get in German. wtf are you writing about?
@kalafudra: I’m writing my Firefly article for tomorrow. At the pace I’m going (and the vodka shots I’m doing), it’s gonna take me hours yet
@kathrintha: aaaah…good combination,though ^^
@kalafudra: Definitely. Though I’m still searching for the right soundtrack for that work. ;)
@kathrintha: “Knights of Cydonia”
@kalafudra: Oh, very nice. Very, very nice indeed. *ridesoffintothesunset*
@teashoe: May I just interject that I am highly entertained by your conversation? That is all.
@kalafudra: In that case, my work is done. ;)
@kathrintha: we aim to please ^^
@kalafudra: Though I now feel kinda obligated to be witty. And since I had my 7th Klopfer [a vodka based shot drink, ed.], this is not very likely.
@teashoe: Don’t feel pressured. It’s hard to top Leo Putin and sequins on underwear. ;)
@kalafudra: Since that’s all deadra’s wit, this really takes the pressure from me. ;)
@kathrintha: That sounds like it came from JK Rowling: “Leo Putin And The Underwear of Sequins”
@kalafudra: See? Case in point. *rofl*
@teashoe: lol If we keep going with this Leo Putin stuff, I might start shipping them… :P
@kalafudra: Especially since deadra already supplied you with the perfect title for the first fanfic.
@kathrintha: Okay,that would be so very, very wrong. Thanks for putting those pictures in my head when I’ve had a drink. You’re evil.
@kalafudra: I’ve already written half the fic in my head. If I finish my article sometime soon, I might actually start to write it
@teashoe: Oh god, now you did it. This has to be happening!! The world is in dire need of such a fic!
@kathrintha: I’m giggling about something involving Vladimir Putin IN BED. I feel dirty now.
@kalafudra: Well, that’s what friends are for: give you bad ideas and make you feel dirty.
@kathrintha: well,this was fun.Now I get to go to sleep with dirty images of Leo and Putin in my head. Good night,you!
@kalafudra: Sleep tight. And have nice dreams. *inserteyebrowwigglehere*
@teashoe: Well, have sweet dreams involving neither of them! (Okay, maybe Leo alone wouldn’t be too bad…)

I was fully prepared to make good on my promise when I got around to it. But along came this:

And I just knew I couldn’t wait till I had the time – I would make the time to write this fic and if everything else had to come to a complete standstill, it would.

So, here we are. If you brave the jump, you can read all about Leo Putin and the Underwear of Sequins. Including pictures.

And just to get the legal stuff out of the way: I’m not saying that anything of what I write below actually happened. Though Leonardo DiCaprio and Vladimir Putin are real persons, I don’t know squat about them or there personal life, but I’m reasonably sure that there is nothing to ‘ship there. Though a few incidents I refer to actually kinda happened, I’m taking huge poetic license. This is a work of fiction with a dash of satire and should be seen that way.

Also, the story is not really sexy [even I didn’t want to picture Putin getting it on (you’re welcome)], but it’s gay love. So if you have a problem with that, go somewhere else.

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Inception (2010)

Inception is the newest movie by Christopher Nolan, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Ken Watanabe, Tom Hardy, Cillian Murphy, Marion Cotillard and Michael Caine.

Plot:
Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a thief. But not any thief – he steals ideas out of people’s heads by invading their dreams. One day, he gets drafted by the business man Saito (Ken Watanabe), but not to steal an idea; he’s supposed to plant one in the head of Robert Fischer (Cillian Murphy).

Since there’s no such thing as flawless, one of these days Christopher Nolan is bound to make a godawful movie and then it’s probably going to kill me. But until then I can enjoy the masterpieces Nolan continuously produces – and Inception is definitely the best of his films yet.

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Shutter Island (2010)

Shutter Island is the newest movie by Martin Scorsese, based on the book by Dennis Lehane and starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo, Ben Kingsley, Max von Sydow, Michelle Williams, Emily Mortimer, Patricia Clarkson and Jackie Earle Haley.

Plot:
US Marshall Teddy Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his partner Chuck Aule (Mark Ruffalo) are called to Shutter Island, a mental institution to investigate the mysterious disappearance of a young woman (Emily Mortimer). As soon as they reach the island, a storm hits and they are prevented from leaving. Haunted by his own ghosts from the past, Teddy soon discovers that things are not what they seem on Shutter Island.

While the story is mostly good and Scorsese delivers fine work, the movie hinges on Leonardo DiCaprio’s performance. And boy, does he ever deliver… It was terrific to watch.

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