But first things first: we started off with The Happening. If you are a regular reader, you might wonder why I went to see it, as I have done nothing but bitching about M. Night Shyamalan. But don’t worry, I will continue to do just that.
The Happening aka Shyamalan’s An Incovenient Truth [(c) Deadra] sucked big time. And keep in mind that this is the same post where I write about Uwe Boll movies and I’m afraid that The Happening is the worst of the movies I write about today…
I watched it with the faint hope that it would be entertaining and that I could spend the whole movie making fun of it. Instead I spent it mostly being bored, with a few exceptions [For example when Mark Wahlberg talks to the plant].
The plus side: Shyamalan didn’t try to be especially creative with obvious plot twists. And he didn’t go for the word play [SPOILER!] plant – nuclear power plant [SPOILER END!]. Shyamalan had only a voice role, not a real cameo.
The minus side: The plot. Zooey Deschanel couldn’t act if her life depended on it. Even amidst a completely bad cast, she stuck out. [SPOILER!] Shyamalan managed to kill off the only actor who would have actually been worth watching – John Leguizamo [SPOILER END!].
Well, money badly spent… nothing worse should happen. Like having to watch this movie again.
In Bruges, on the other hand, was great. I really don’t know why it wasn’t marketed more. Here we have the perfect combination of (British) black humour [There’s only two things, Belgium is famous for: pedophilia and chocolate. And they only got the chocolate to get to the kids.], a good cast (Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson and Ralph Fiennes) and a cool story, topped off with a bit of splatter, all in front of the beautiful scenery Bruges has to offer. Very well done, Martin McDonagh!
If you haven’t seen it, go and do. It’s worth it.
Now, we come to Uwe Boll.
BloodRayne was disappointing. I thought, again, I could laugh my ass off while watching, but unfortunately, it left me only wondering. And bored.
It was a gruesome mixture of genres, not really a vampire movie, not really a splatter movie [although the blood fountains sure were great…], not really a horror movie, but a little bit of all of that.
Michael “Sexy Voice” Madsen acted even less than he usually does. Ben Kingsley seemed so bored (and I’m sure he was) that when he held the traditional motivational speech before the great battle, it sounded like he recited the phone book. For the second time in two hours.
And as much as I hate to admit it, I didn’t get the ending. I didn’t get the ending of an Uwe Boll movie. How pathetic. But what was up with that best of all scenes? What was that supposed to mean?
Finally, finally, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale delivered what I had hoped for the whole weekend: Unintentional hilarity. Starting with the LotR rip off world, over the story and the dialogues and ending with the imdb forums, it was great. The first hour or so was a bit boring, but then it was packed with quotes that had me on the floor.
King Konreid: Bring in the ninjas!
Gallian: In my kingdom, there will be no word for madness. It will simply be called power.
And then, of course, the world’s best pick up line: The cross-eyed Legolas character gets caught by the bad guys and thrown into a dungeon. He turns to the prisoner next to him, coincidentally a girl, and says: “So, where are you from?”
Actually, this line was one of three final choices, the other two being “How you doin‘?” and “What does a girl like you do in a place like this?”