Legion is the newest movie by Scott Stewart, starring Paul Bettany, Adrianne Palicki, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson, Kevin Durand, Charles S. Dutton and Dennis Quaid.
Plot:
God is angry with the world and decides to end it all. Or better, to end humanity. So he sends demons and plagues and his angels to earth to exterminate everybody. Only Michael (Paul Bettany) thinks that this is a bad idea. So he defies God, comes down to earth, gets weapons and then drives to an isolated gas station, where Charlie (Adrianne Palicki) works, a woman pregnant with the saviour.
Make no mistake people, this movie is really, really bad. [Oh, Paul Bettany, what did you get yourself into? Twice?] It has probably the worst script ever and the Christian imagery is so over the top that probably even Christians will shake their heads in disbelief. But if you expect just that and you bring along a lot of snark, you’re going to have fun watching. [At least if you have my sense of humour, which enjoys bad movies.]
There are two things this movie does actually right:
- The dog-collar halos.
That is such an awesome idea [and it might not even have registered with the movie makers how anti-Christian this imagery is]. Gotta love it. - Paul Bettany was never hotter.
I feel like my hormones are trying to get the better of me these past few weeks [“It’s spring,” they seem to be saying. “So, you better want to hump every second guy you see or else we’ll screw up your period again.”], but oh boy… Paul Bettany is hot under normal circumstances, but in this film (and in that coat) his usual hotness was tripled. At least. Oh wow.
Other than that, the film was a rather pathetic affair, though.
[I mean, look at that coat…]
Mostly the script is to be blamed… Apart from the paper-thin characters, they all talk in stereotypes, too. I mean, deadra and I could actually talk along with this film, despite seeing it for the first time. [Complete this sentence: “You wanted to live like one of them…” Solution at the end of the post.] And then there was a complete lack of tension of any kind. [The scene where the ice cream car is approaching the gas station could have been really creepy. But it was only ridiculous.]
But also the symbolism… You know, I might have been able to cope with the fact that the gas station was called “Paradise Falls” and that Michael makes explosions cross-shaped… no, actually, I could not live with that. The movie was full with these ridiculous little things. In another setting it could have been cool, but somehow it really wasn’t.
And that was the movie’s biggest problem right there. If a more talented film maker was behind it, it could have been really good, even if Christian propaganda (the whole thing with the abortion was fucking disgusting). But somewhere along the way, something essential was lost and never gained again.
Summarising, watch only if you enjoy bad films and/or Paul Bettany.
—
If your answer was, “… now you’re going to die like one of them.” award yourself 1,000 pop culture brownie points.
If your answer was something else, go in that corner over there and be ashamed.
kalafudra's Stuff 
Oh yes.*
Remember, ladies: You get pregnant all on your own, but you can’t make it through a pregnancy, let alone raising a child, without proper male supervision.
And don’t even think about an abortion, because even sitting in a waiting room feels like death, and going through with it would DESTROY HUMANITY.
(*By which I mean: “OhnononononoNOOOOOO!”)
Remember, ladies: You get pregnant all on your own, but you can’t make it through a pregnancy, let alone raising a child, without proper male supervision.
And don’t even think about an abortion, because even sitting in a waiting room feels like death, and going through with it would DESTROY HUMANITY.
Reposted for emphasis.
I got the quote, but it was so predictible! Great review, I wouldn’t have been seen dead going to see this film. Well, maybe just for Paul Bettany in that coat but otherwise… nah.
The whole script was pretty predictable.
I win 1000 pop culture brownie points, yay. Even though I know how bad it is, I still kind of want to see it, for Paul Bettany and Adrianne Palicki (who I liked in the tv show Friday Night Lights.)
Well… how much do you love Paul Bettany? If you’re not offended by me even asking that question, it’s probably not enough to make seeing this film worth your while. ;)
… Oooh, I’d love to see that movie. Who needs a plot when she can have Paul Bettany with wings and without a shirt ^^ The coat is cool, too.
PS: Shiid. I didn’t get the pop culture reference (is it LotR?)
Paul Bettany without a shirt _is_ a strong argument (no pun intended).
The pop culture reference is not actually any particular movie but about 100.000 different ones that all use this line. You might be the only person who is excused not knowing this, though.
yes, strong indeed.
[…] that they pretty much stopped at the reservations plotline. And it was nowhere near as bad as the anti-abortion propaganda in Legion, so I'd chalk that up as a win. […]