Your Highness (2011)

Your Highness
Director: David Gordon Green
Writer: Danny McBride, Ben Best
Cast: Danny McBride, James Franco, Rasmus Hardiker, Natalie Portman, Toby Jones, Justin Theroux, Zooey Deschanel

The princes Fabious (James Franco) and Thadeous (Danny McBride) couldn’t be more diffirent. While Fabious goes on quest after quest (and always returns successful), Thadeous tries to live life as responsibility-free as he can. From his latest quest, Fabious brought back Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) who has spent her life in captivity, held by the evil Leezar (Justin Theroux) who plans to use her for a ritual. Fabious and Belladonna want to get married but before they can, Leezar steals her back. So Fabious goes on yet another quest – only this time he drags Thadeous along.

This movie was so extremely bad, I don’t even have words for it. The first time I thought about turning off the film was about 30 minutes in. But then Natalie Portman hadn’t shown up yet and I kinda kept assuming that this movie had to become funny at one point or another. It never did. Instead it continued to be absolutely dreadful.

I know that I don’t like this kind of stoner/Judd Apatow-y humor and I was aware that this was probably going to be this kind of film. Nevertheless I thought I’d give it a shot – I like Natalie Portman. I like James Franco (at least, when he’s not in these kinds of films). And it’s a fairy tale send-up. So, I thought, maybe the good things will outweigh the most stupid instances? Maybe the rest of the film will be quite okay?

Unfortunately the film is a long stretch of stupid instances and never gets to the parts that are okay. Most of the film wasn’t just not funny (to me), but actually pretty offensive. I mean, how many rape jokes can you make in a single film, for crying out loud? [Hahaha, it’s a minotaur doing the raping! And he’s raping a guy! Hahahaha! That is so funny. (Please note the sarcasm this is drenched in.)] And wouldn’t you notice yourself while writing that you keep making the same jokes over and over again?

It’s just such a missed opportunity because with all the fairy tale stuff currently making the rounds, a smart send-up would be timely and also pretty cool. But instead of that we got this pile of crap.

And neither hotness nor talent of Natalie Portman or James Franco can make up for the sheer agony this film put me through. I actually started to hate it. I don’t remember when I last hated an entire film and not only certain aspects of one.

Summarising: just stay away. Far, far, so very far away.

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