2012 (2009)

2012 is the newest movie by Roland Emmerich, starring John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover, Woody Harrelson and Oliver Platt.

Scientists make a discovery: the world is ending in 2012, the Mayans were right. So, the most powerful men of the world hatch out a plan, don’t tell anyone about it and then in 2012, one righteous man tries to save his family.
Honestly, who cares about the plot? The plot is not important.

2012 delivers what Roland Emmerich promised in Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow: Nobody can destroy the earth just like he does. You just need to ignore the science (ridiculous), the story itself (been there, seen that times one hundred) and the (mostly) mediocre acting and enjoy the Special Effects. Since nothing about this movie is outrageously offensive, that’s easily done.

If you want to have a great evening with this film, you’ll need the right expectations:

  4. reassuring in its knowness story
  5. cheap tricks to ellicit emotional responses
  6. everything else is mediocre to bad

Since this was exactly my mindset, I enjoyed the hell out of 2012.

The same expectations would have worked with Avatar, if Avatar hadn’t been so fucking offensive. 2012 on the other hand, while not being perfect (The Evil Russian? Oh, come on), managed to steer clear of the biggest pitfalls.

The acting, as I said before, was mostly forgettable. Woody Harrelson acted the hell out of his role (and must have used up at least half of the world’s ham resources) and he’s always fun when he’s overacting. John Cusack is cute (btw. WHYOHWHY?).

I thought it was incredibly amusing (so sweet!) that they tried to keep the structure of the world’s governments: The American president was black, the German chancellor a woman etc.

But anyway, the point of this film: the special effects. And they were awesome.

Summarising: A valuable addition to the “Mindless Action” shelf.

On a sidenote: In the row behind me in the cinema there was a guy who kept on commenting the film (with insightful stuff like, “that’s the Queen!” when they showed a Queen double). Which would have been only mildly annoying if it hadn’t been for the fact that he was completely alone in his row and the only person sitting near him was me. I felt like he provided that commentary for my benefit and that was a little disconcerting.


  1. Well, he’s not an ENTIRELY evil Russian, is he? I mean, yes, he does leave them when he can, but that just shows that he’s not altruistic enough to negotiate for their passage. And he pretty much sacrifices himself for his kids, etc.

    Also, lol @Hot Tub Time Machine. This is the first I’ve heard of it, but it actually sounds interesting in a slapstick way :)

    • Well, but in a film full of rather likeable people, there’s the Russian and Oliver Platt as the bad guys. And he not only not pays their passage or negotiates for them – he behaves generally like a bastard, sticking to them as long as they are useful and so on.
      Yes, he gets to redeem himself by sacrificing himself for the kids but does that really obliterate his earlier behaviour?

      Anyways. Hot Tub Time Machine sounds like yet another DudeBro movie which is pretty tiring for anyone not a dude…

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