G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Director: Jon M. Chu
Writer: Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick
Sequel to: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Based on: the toys
Cast: Dwayne Johnson, Adrienne Palicki, D.J. Cotrona, Byung-hun Lee, Ray Park, Jonathan Pryce, Ray Stevenson, Elodie Yung, Walton Goggins, RZA, Arnold Vosloo, Channing Tatum, Bruce Willis

Plot:
Since the last movie, Duke (Channing Tatum) has taken over the leadership of the G.I. Joes, with Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson) as his second in command. Both Cobra Commander and Destro have been imprisoned and there should be an end to them. But it isn’t so. While on a mission that all the Joes (save Snake Eyes [Ray Park]) are on, they are attacked and nobody but Roadblock, Lady Jaye (Adrienne Palicki) and Flint (D.J. Cotrona) survive. The Cobras have not only killed the Joes, but also completely destroyed their reputation. And now it is the job of the three survivors [plus Snake Eyes] to set things right again.

Since I’m one of the few people who enjoyed the hell out of the first G.I. Joe movie, I expected grand things from this one. And it fully delivered. It doesn’t make much sense or is smart at all, but it is so. much. fun.

It is almost a pity that I saw this movie at the cinema, since I have yet to figure out a way that I can live-tweet from there. And there are so many things that I would have tweeted about. Starting with the resurrected from the dead Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) [he was almost sliced in half, shot and fell to his death in the last film. But, oh well, he does have scars, so whatever. At least he takes off his shirt to show them off].

Or the hilarious “translations.” You know what a stop sign says in German? Stop. If you really want to make it more German, you can use Halt. But Hält? That’s just random dots right there. Also, I’m no French native speaker, but I’m pretty sure that an armed bomb in French is not bras. [Which means arms in the sense of limbs.] Makes one wonder what the Korean meant. Or the ninja-mountain-wire fight where the wires appear and disappear quite randomly. I could go on and on.

Also, the plot makes no sense whatsoever. It’s fantastic to watch, really. It’s basically the euqivalent of a Picasso painting: the parts are pretty much right, but the way it is all fitted together not really. [Though I concede that Picasso is art. I wouldn’t say that G.I. Joe is, not really.] But that’s what makes it charming. What is less charming though, are the casually sexist remarks coming out of Joe’s (Bruce Willis) mouth. Lady Jaye tries to hold her own, but there’s no real smack-down.

There are parts that work genuinely well. Dwayne Johnson in an undershirt for example. Channing Tatum and Dwayne Johnson manage to really get the friendship between Duke and Roadblock across. Dwayne Johnson is generally funny, really. Also, Flint gets to do some very nice stunts. Shirtless Byung-hun Lee. Thats not enough to make the movie really good, but that’s not what was to be expected anyway.

Summarising: For fans of the craptastic this is a must-see.