Hitman: Agent 47 (2015)

Hitman: Agent 47
Director: Aleksander Bach
Writer: Skip Woods, Michael Finch
Based on: the video game series
Cast: Rupert FriendHannah WareZachary Quinto, Ciarán Hinds, Thomas Kretschmann, Angelababy, Jürgen Prochnow
Seen on: 10.9.2015

Many years ago Dr. Litvenko (Ciarán Hinds) built the Agent Program: gentetically modified hitmen without remorse or fear. Realizing how dangerous this is, Litvenko disappeared, taking the science with him and making it impossible to create any more Agents. The Syndicate has been trying everything to restart the Program, but was unsuccessful. Now they’re desperate to find Litvenko. Litvenko’s daughter Katia (Hannah Ware) is also desperate to find her father and find out why he abandoned her. Just as she’s getting close, she meets John Smith (Zachary Quinto) who warns her that Agent 47 (Rupert Friend) is tracking her with orders to kill her.

I did not expect Hitman: Agent 47 to be a good film. In fact, it was the kind of film where puzzledpeaces and I packed a bottle of alcohol eached and just got really, really drunk during the film. For that it was perfectly chosen. For everything else, Hitman is a waste.


To say that Hitman: Agent 47 is a stupid film and leave it at that is doing it a disservice. Not because it’s a smart film, but because it is so good at being stupid, it is quite ingenious. Especially when the film believes that it’s getting clever, like Katia’s determination where her father might be. Or the subcutaneous armor. It is so ridiculous, it’s frankly astounding.

Unfortunately all of that gets rather diluted with generic, laughable and badly edited action scenes that grow very boring very quickly and made me very happy I brought enough alcohol with me to keep nuzzling my bottle throughout the film.

hitmanagent47-1The only thing where the film is even a little interesting is with Katia as a character: she is a fascinating mix of damsel in distress, constantly in need of her agently savior and uber-competent, ass-kicking warrior woman. That the film didn’t literally implode with the cognitive dissonance between these two extremes is in itself quite the achievement. But it isn’t actually enough to make the film really worth anybody’s while.

In the end the film is a badly acted hypermasculine fantasy that can only be stomached with copious amounts of alcohol. Every once in a while that’s exactly what I’m looking for in a film. But that doesn’t mean that it’s a good film.

hitmanagent47-2Summarizing: Unless you want to get so drunk that you immediately forget the film again, skip it.

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