A Cure for Wellness (2016)

A Cure for Wellness
Director: Gore Verbinski
Writer: Justin Haythe
Cast: Dane DeHaanJason IsaacsMia GothIvo NandiAdrian SchillerCelia ImrieHarry Groener, Tomas NorströmJohannes KrischSusanne Wuest
Seen on: 28.2.2017

Plot:
Lockhart (Dane DeHaan) works for a company in trouble. They need their CEO Pembroke (Harry Groener), but he has been unreachable in a retreat in the Swiss mountains for a long time, so they send Lockhart there to get him. Once Lockhart arrives there, he is involved in an accident even before he gets to see Pembroke. His broken leg traps him at the retreat and he realizes that something strange is going there. The director Volmer (Jason Isaacs) may be hiding something. And what’s the deal with Hannah (Mia Goth), the only young person there who has spent basically her entire life at the retreat?

A Cure for Wellness is a clusterfuck of epic proportions. It’s overly long, makes no sense and is incredibly sexist, racist and ableist to boot. It’s pretty but that’s all it has going for it.

[SPOILERS]

A Cure for Wellness really does look pretty, although the best images are already in the trailer, so your best experience of the film may be to just watch the trailer and skip the rest.

Because that rest is problematic as fuck in pretty much every regard. On a simple entertainment level, it’s superlong and should have been at least half an hour shorter. But that’s really the least of the film’s problem. None of it really makes any sense at all and yet is absolutely predictable. To say things are far-fetched makes a mockery of delivery services everywhere. They are simply stupid. This reads like a film by somebody who read The Magic Mountain once and didn’t really get it, but thought what it needs is conspiracy theories, racism and sexualized violence.

The result is a film that has practically no female characters apart from one wide-eyed, innocent, blonde, underage damsel in distress who is groomed for (incestuous) breeding and doesn’t even know it. But she has a magic period that controls eels, so woofuckinghoo. Of course, by the end of the film, she has to be tied to a bed and almost raped enough that we all get to see her breasts as she writhes on the bed before our hero can save her in time before anything irrevocably taints her honor. Or something.

It’s also a film that tells a story about eugenics/genetic purity but would rather not be associated with any actual people of color or disabled people who historically are the targets of eugenics. And you know what, fuck that noise.

Summarizing: Stay away from it, definitely.

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