I went to the cinema, finally seeing I Am Legend. And what happens? A school class is with me.
I saw them in the lobby of the cinema, thinking, “nah, they’re not going to watch I Am Legend. They’ll see Into the Wild, or some other, educational thing”. Man, was I wrong.
Don’t get me wrong. I like kids. But when they hit puberty they are best kept somewhere dark and damp until they are human again.
All my hopes that I could actually enjoy the cinematic experience, because I happened to stumble upon the one reasonable class that has to exist somewhere in the world, were destroyed after the first movie trailer. It was the trailer to The Dark Knight. I was very excited because until tonight I had only seen it in crappy quality on the net. At the end of the trailer a girl says, “Oh my God, I have to see this movie. [pause and the film title appears] Oh no, it’s Batman.” Well, what the hell did you think it was? It had The Joker and a good looking guy in a black cape. Did you believe it was Rambo 26?
There were those who understood a little English and translated for the others. And the others had to announce that they didn’t understand so loudly that everyone knew. And then, of course, the translation came from three rows back and unfortunately, I was caught in the middle.
After that, there was a perceivable dichotomy in the group: there were the people who obviously had never seen a horror movie before and started shouting at the half of the movie, “Don’t die! Get up and run! DON’T DIE!!!!!”. And there were those who had already seen one and had to demonstrate that by giggling condescendingly whenever the other group made a noise.
I blame the teacher. She had to go and be cool and destroy the cinematic experience of the other five people in the room. Next time, why don’t you go during the day when you can have the screen to yourself?