Yoga Hosers (2016)

Yoga Hosers
Director: Kevin Smith
Writer: Kevin Smith
Cast: Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, Adam BrodyHarley Morenstein, Ashley Greene, Jennifer Schwalbach Smith, Justin LongTony Hale, Natasha Lyonne, Genesis Rodriguez, Vanessa Paradis, Haley Joel Osment, Johnny Depp, Stan Lee, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith
Part of: /slash Filmfestival
Seen on: 1.10.2016
[Review by cornholio.]

Plot:
Colleen Collette (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen McKenzie (Harley Quinn Smith) have always been best friends. Now they share a passion for yoga, a boring job in a convenience store and a band with which they hope to become famous. But first: get through high school and maybe find a hot boyfriend like Hunter (Austin Butler), Colleen M’s crush, and his best friend Gordon (Tyler Posey). When the two of them invite the Colleens to a party, they are overjoyed. But things go very differently than expected – in a sudden Nazis, evil plot and satanism kind of way. It’s up to the Colleens to save the world.

Yoga Hosers wasn’t perfect, but it was entertaining, sweet and funny. I enjoyed most of it – especially after the clusterfuck that was Tusk.

Continue reading

Tusk (2014)

Tusk
Director: Kevin Smith
Writer: Kevin Smith
Cast: Michael Parks, Justin Long, Genesis Rodriguez, Haley Joel Osment, Johnny Depp
Part of: /slash Filmfestival Christmas Special

Plot:
Wallace (Justin Long) and Teddy (Haley Joel Osment) have a podcast together in which they deride people in embarassing videos. Wallace goes out into the world to find those people and then tells Teddy about it. This time, Wallace is going to Canada to interview a young man who accidentally sliced his own leg off. Unfortunately when Wallace arrives, the young man has committed suicide which leaves Wallace short a story for their program. When he finds a handwritten advertisement in a men’s room for a free place to stay, including a lifetime of interesting stories, he thinks that he has hit the jackpot. But Howard Howe (Michael Parks), the man with the interesting stories, has more plans for Wallace than he could have ever imagined.

Tusk starts off well enough and with a wonderfully absurd sense of humor, but after the set-up, it loses all the good things and becomes a rambling, unfunny film with a seriously misguided Johnny Depp cameo.

Tusk

[SPOILERS] Continue reading

Live Free or Die Hard (2007)

Live Free or Die Hard
Director: Len Wiseman
Writer: Mark Bomback
Based on: John Carlin‘s article A Farewell to Arms
Sequel to: Die Hard, Die Hard 2, Die Hard: With a Vengeance
Cast: Bruce Willis, Timothy Olyphant, Justin Long, Maggie Q, Cliff Curtis, Kevin Smith, Zeljko Ivanek, Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Plot:
After the FBI has been hacked, John McClane (Bruce Willis) is supposed to bring in Matthew (Justin Long), a suspected hacker. What should be a routine pick-up and drop-off, ends up in a full-blown shoot-out. And suddenly McClane finds himself right in the middle of the biggest hack of the century, trying to avoid the complete dismantling of the financial system.

After I actually liked the third Die Hard movie, I thought that I had finally hit my stride with these films. Unfortunately McClane is totally unhinged in this film, and they liberally peppered the script with misogyny and racism. That is not cool.

live_free_or_die_hard

Continue reading

Movie 43 (2013)

Movie 43 (it’s a comedy anthology with the following segments)
Writer (for the most parts): Rocky Russo, Jeremy Sosenko, Steve Baker
The Thread (in the European version, that’s the framing device; in the US, I gather, it’s a different story)
Director: Bob Odenkirk
Cast: Devin Eash, Adam Cagley, Mark L. Young
The Catch
Director: Peter Farrelly
Cast: Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman
Homeschooled
Director: Will Graham
Cast: Liev Schreiber, Naomi Watts, Jeremy Allen White
The Proposition
Director: Steve Carr
Cast: Chris Pratt, Anna Faris
Veronica
Director: Griffin Dunne
Cast: Kieran Culkin, Emma Stone
iBabe
Director: Steven Brill
Cast: Richard Gere, Kate Bosworth, Aasif Mandvi, Jack McBrayer
Superhero Speed Dating
Director: James Duffy
Cast: Justin Long, Jason Sudeikis, Uma Thurman, Kristen Bell, Bobby Cannavale, Leslie Bibb, John Hodgman
Machine Kids
Director: Jonathan van Tulleken
Writer: Jonathan van Tulleken
Middleschool Date
Director: Elizabeth Banks
Cast: Chloe Moretz, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Patrick Warburton, Matt Walsh
Tampax
Director: Patrik Forsberg
Writer: Patrik Forsberg
Happy Birthday
Director: Brett Ratner
Cast: Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott, Gerard Butler
Truth or Dare
Director: Peter Farrelly, Patrik Forsberg
Cast: Stephen Merchant, Halle Berry
Victory’s Glory
Director: Rusty Cundieff
Cast: Terrence Howard
Beezel
Director: James Gunn
Cast: Elizabeth Banks, Josh Duhamel

Plot:
Calvin (Mark L. Young) and his best friend JJ (Adam Cagley) wanted to trick his little brother Baxter (Devin Eash) by making him look for a supposedly banned film that doesn’t actually exist – Movie 43. But Baxter actually finds something, and as they move from clip to clip they come ever closer to the truth.

People, heed my warning. I thought that a movie with that cast couldn’t possible be as bad as the trailer. “There must be something there,” I thought. “Something redeeming. It can’t possibly be all dick jokes, scatological humor and misanthropy?” Now I laugh in the face of my naivité. Because that really is all there is to this film: people behaving like disgusting assholes and we’re supposed to laugh about it. And all that remains after seeing the film is a question: Why? Why would anybody want to make such a film? Why are any of the actors involved in this? Why would anybody think that shit is funny? WHYYYYY????

movie-43

Continue reading

Drag Me to Hell (2009)

Drag Me to Hell
Director: Sam Raimi
Writer: Sam Raimi, Ivan Raimi
Cast: Alison Lohman, Justin Long, Lorna Raver, Dileep Rao

Plot:
Christine (Alison Lohman) has a job at a credit institute and is up for a promotion. Unfortunately, her superior prefers a more aggressive approach than her usually understanding way of handling the credit applications. And so Christine refuses Mrs Ganush (Lorna Raver) a loan extension the old woman desperately needs. In turn, Mrs Ganush curses Christine and Christine soon discovers that there’s more to the old lady – and that curse.

I actually was ready to write a rather damning review of this film, but upon further examination, the movie does have some good qualities that make up a little for the completely disgusting Roma stereotyping – even if it does not succeed completely.

Continue reading

The Conspirator (2010)

The Conspirator
Director: Robert Redford
Writer: James D. Solomon
Cast: James McAvoy, Robin Wright, Kevin Kline, Evan Rachel Wood, Tom Wilkinson, Justin Long, Danny Huston, Colm Meaney, Alexis Bledel

Plot:
After the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, the conspirators are quickly arrested. Among them is Mary Surratt (Robin Wright) who is pretty much suffering for the crimes of her son. But the whole country is so riled up that nobody really cares. Frederick Aiken (James McAvoy) takes on her defense in the military trial that is set up for her and where her constitutional rights are abused the whole time.

The Conspirator is a movie with a mission that gets so righteous and sanctimonious that it’s barely bearable. The cast ends up being its only redeeming feature.

Continue reading

Planet 51 (2009)

Planet 51 is an animated movie directed by Jorge Blanco (co-directed by Javier Abad and Marcos Martínez), starring the voices of Dwayne Johnson, Jessica Biel, Justin Long, Gary Oldman, Seann William Scott and John Cleese.

Plot:
Lem (Justin Long) lives on a planet much like ours, if our whole planet would be like the 50s in the USA except populated by little green people. People on Lem’s planet are deathly afraid of being invaded by aliens – so you can imagine the surprise and panic when one day human astronaut Chuck Baker (Dwayne Johnson) lands in the middle of the suburbs of this – as he thought – uninhabitated planet.

I went into this movie not expecting much. It had gotten virtually no advertising and barely 10 cinemas in Vienna were showing it at all (and then only at crappy times). Nevertheless, not one to pass on animated movies/SciFi movies/movies in general, I decided to catch it. And am I glad I did!

Continue reading

He’s Just Not That Into You (2009)

He’s Just Not That Into You is crap that disguises itself as a Romantic Comedy. It’s directed by Ken Kwapis and has a rather long cast list.

Plot:
Based on a self-helf book, it wants to give advice by showing the relationships of different couples, whose lives are intertwined.
Gigi [Ginnifer Goodwin] is constantly dating guys in the search of Mister Right. [Apparently she’s what we’re supposed to believe is the archetype of a woman looking for a man.] After a mediocre date with Conor [Kevin Connoly], she meets his best friend Alex [Justin Long] who tells her about the dating behaviour of the people and how she can tell whether a guy’s interested or not. [As a barkeeper, he knows these things.] Conor, on the other hand, is actually in love with Anna [Scarlett Johansson], who thinks that they’re best friends but doesn’t want more of the relationship, while Anna’s friend Mary [Drew Barrymore] is prowling the internets for a man. Anna coincidentally meets Ben [Bradley Cooper] and falls in love with him. But Ben is married to Janine [Jennifer Connelly], and even if their relationship is not the best, he doesn’t want to have an affair, although he’s immensly attracted to Anna. Ben’s best friend Neil [Ben Affleck] is in a long-term relationship with Beth [Jennifer Aniston], who wants to get married. But Neil doesn’t believe in marriage. Beth, Janine and Gigi all work together and share their men troubles.

To be honest, I have difficulties commenting on this movie as a movie, because I spend most of the time being outraged about the message it was sending. This made it quite impossible to concentrate on performances or directing.

hes_just_not_that_into_you

Continue reading