The Host (2013)

The Host
Director: Andrew Niccol
Writer: Andrew Niccol
Based on: Stephenie Meyer‘s novel
Cast: Saoirse Ronan, Diane Kruger, Max Irons, Chandler Canterbury, William Hurt, Frances Fisher, Jake Abel, Emily Browning

Melanie (Saoirse Ronan) is one of the few remaining humans who don’t have a “Soul” yet – a parasitic alien life form who took over earth and the human bodies. But then she’s captured and Wanderer is implanted into her. But somehow Melanie’s spirit survives this. Fueled by worry about her brother Jamie (Chandler Canterbury) and her boyfriend Jared (Max Irons) she starts to fight Wanderer who is trying to mine her memories to find the last humans for the Seeker (Diane Kruger).

Much as with Olympus Has Fallen, I went into this film with extremely low expectations and armed with alcohol (this time, we didn’t run out halfway through) and I swear that this is the only way to make this film even slightly bearable. But if you’re drunk enough, it does become extremely entertaining.


[There will be SPOILERS.]

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The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011)

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1
Director: Bill Condon
Writer: Melissa Rosenberg
Based on: Stephenie Meyer‘s book
Sequel to: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Billy Burke, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Anna Kendrick, (and for way too little time: Michael Sheen, Christopher Heyerdahl, Jamie Campbell Bower, Dakota Fanning)

Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) are finally getting married and Jacob (Taylor Lautner) even stops sulking long enough to talk to Bella for five minutes, before Edward whisks her off to their own private honeymoon island. Within a few days, Bella realizes that she is pregnant. Since Edward is a vampire that should be impossible. And that’s only the beginning of the trouble.

Breaking Dawn was pretty much what you’d expect it would be – only that I undererstimated the amount of alcohol I would need to get through it and then we hit the birth and I wasn’t drunk yet and then we hit the imprinting and I had to beg aber_karramba for some of hers because I was all out. [See also.]
But apart from that, given the source material, the film wasn’t actually that bad.

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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)

Eclipse is the third part in the Twilight Saga, based on the books by Stephenie Meyer. It was directed by David Slade and stars Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and Billy Burke. You probably know this already. At least, if you’re not living under a rock that has a special shield against pop culture/teenage fan girls. [Here are my reviews of the other films and the books. (I must have been high when I wrote the reviews of the books, though. Or probably severly brain damaged from reading them.)]

Bella (Kristen Stewart) loves Edward (Robert Pattinson), our vampire hero. Edward loves Bella, too! Yay! Unfortunately, Jacob (Taylor Lautner), our werewolf hero, loves Bella as well and thinks that Bella loves him but doesn’t want to admit it. Since Bella’s opinion is generally completely inconsequential, nobody cares that she’s pretty clear on that point, though.
Anyway, amidst all this drama, there are some evil vampires. And more evil vampires. Who work for another evil vampire. And stuff’s going down, but nobody cares anymore.

If you can’t tell by my plot description: I was very disappointed by Eclipse. Because for all their faults (and they are plenty), the Twilight movies were very entertaining so far. Eclipse is not. It’s boring. It didn’t make me laugh. In fact, I laughed once and that was at an actual joke!!!!111!!!eleventy!!! Oh, the state of affairs…


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The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)

[Here’re my reviews of the books and the first movie. OMFG. I just re-read my review of Twilight (book)… bloody hell, I must have been braindead at the time of writing that.]

New Moon is the second movie of the Twilight Saga based on Stephenie Meyer‘s books. It was directed by Chris Weitz and stars Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson and Billy Burke.

Bella’s (Kristen Stewart) birthday is coming up and she’s worried because she’s going to be 18, but her vampire boyfriend Edward (Robert Pattinson) will be an eternal 17-year old. When, during her birthday party, she cuts her finger and makes co-vampire Jasper (Jackson Rathbone shares this role with the most ridiculous wig ever) almost eat her. So Edward decides that he is too dangerous to be around and leaves Bella (taking his whole family with him). Bella sinks in a deep hole of despair that can only be kinda filled by Jacob (Taylor Lautner), best friend cum werewolf. And then things get really bad.

You thought Twilight was craptastic? New Moon is worse. So much worse. All the actors seemed unable, or at least unwilling, to act (except for Billy Burke and Taylor Lautner). Chris Weitz sucks so much. And yet, it isn’t a bad adaptation of the book, though it could have been better.


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Twilight (2008)

Twilight is the movie based on the book [my reviews of the series here]by Stephenie Meyer. And if you haven’t heard anything about it, you must be new to this blog and not have any teenage girl in your vicinity.

The plot follows the book closely: After her mother remarries, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) moves from Phoenix, Arizona to Forks, Washington to live with her father. There she meets beautiful Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), who turns out to be a vampire. The rest is smiling, stalking, clumsiness, over-protectiveness, a tentative kiss, dazzling perfection, angst and an evil vampire.



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Answering Questions Asked Through Google XIV

You know, it worries me that there’s apparently more than one person out there who want to know whether Olympia Dukakis died or what happened to William Baldwin.

But here’s the new questions:

“when will more twilight stuff come out?”

There won’t be more “twilight stuff”… I mean, except for the movie (November 29th in the US) and it’s sequel(s). Stephenie Meyer is not going to publish another book, apparently, she doesn’t even want to publish Midnight Sun. That’s it. The series is finished.

“does kristen stewart smoke?”

According to the Female Celebrity Smoking List (oh, the wonders of the internet), no, Kristen Stewart doesn’t smoke.

“is brad meltzer a christian”?

I have to say, I don’t really know. Research is inconclusive. I, on the other hand, am conclusive and I’d say Brad Meltzer‘s Jewish. Could be wrong, though. Not claiming to really know!

“does ben foster have any tattoos?”

Yes, Ben Foster does have tattoos. You can see them here and here.

Well, I hope I met all your informational needs!

Midnight Sun (Stephenie Meyer)

Okay, I promise this will be the last post on Stephenie Meyer‘s books. Not for ever, but for a while at least. Because right now, there aren’t any books left for me to read [except The Host] and the movie’s another three-four months, so I’ll shut up about it after this.

Midnight Sun is Twilight writtten from Edward’s perspective, instead of Bella’s. It’s not out yet and it’s questionable if it ever will come out, because a partial draft was leaked on the internet and Stephenie Meyer is whining about that:

My first feeling was that there was no way to continue. Writing isn’t like math; in math, two plus two always equals four no matter what your mood is like. With writing, the way you feel changes everything. If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn’t dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely.

Sorry if this came across badly: I understand that Meyer is hugely disappointed that the draft she sent to a few trusted individuals somehow got online – that shouldn’t have happened. But putting the book on hold, indefinitely, is a bit more sensitive a reaction than I think necessary.


Anyway, she did the only right thing after that and made the partial draft (first twelve chapters) legally available on her site [link’s directly to the pdf]. And I probably wouldn’t have read it right away, had I not found the following (via the Bookshelves of Doom).

There’s this woman, who recapped the books (yes, all of them) in her livejournal. Much like I do at bookbitching, but so much funnier.
[Here’s Twilight (that’s not really a recap, yet), Midnight Sun Part One and Part Two, New Moon, Eclipse and finally Breaking Dawn Part One, Part Two and Part Three. You probably need to have read the books before to appreciate every joke, but even if you haven’t, it’s wet-your-pants-funny.]

From there on, I got sucked into the world of Twilight Fans, who don’t take all of that that seriously, aka lolfans, a group, where I can happily see myself.

And apparantly, Robert Pattinson sees himself there as well. There’s this interview [link to download the video, 2 parts, second one more interesting], where he basically says that Edward’s a moron. And there was this interview in the Empire Magazine:

“When you read the book,” says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, “it’s like, ‘Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.’ I mean, every line is like that. He’s the most ridiculous person who’s so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn’t do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that’s how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he’s a 108-year-old virgin so he’s obviously got some issues there.”

I think I just fell in love with him a bit for that. Poor guy. Not only will he be crushed by teenage girls come December, now also the lolfans will want to crush him…

Anyway, there’s much, much more and a good place to start would be here. If you want to go into that. [Don’t miss Growing Up Cullen!]


Well, I won’t talk about the language of the book, because obviously, Meyer wasn’t done yet, and I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt that she would have removed some of the “dazzled”s and the “chagrin”s.

But Jesus Christ, Edward’s even more Emo from the inside than from the outside and he’s creepy. Like in Twilight it’s mentioned that he watches Bella, when she doesn’t know it, which is already a bit weird, but can be ignored. But in Midnight Sun, it goes into every detail of how he climbs into her room (he even oils the window, for crying out loud) and watches her sleep, which is really more stalkerish than healthy.

But apart from that, it’s interesting to get the other point of view, especially when mixed with the aforementioned recaps. It’s a nice complement to Twilight and I bet, if it ever comes out as a book, it will have the fans in an uproar and it will make shitloads of money.

However, I am vampired out now. For a while. I’m glad that school starts tonight, because then I will finally get a more substantial input. And the next book I’m reading (after the one I’m reading now), will have to be an intellectual challenge. I need to revive those dying brain cells.

Breaking Dawn (Stephenie Meyer)

Breaking Dawn is the final book in the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer (not counting Midnight Sun, which will be the first book retold from Edward’s perspective).

I have to say that I’m disappointed. Unfortunately, ambre’s warning was too late – when she told me not to read the book, I had already started…


Breaking Dawn is divided into three books, first book told from Bella’s perspective, second from Jacob’s and third again from Bella’s. Going with Jake’s perspective for a while was a good idea, but unfortunately, Meyer didn’t manage to capture his voice, his language. There really wasn’t much of a difference between their narrating and their thoughts – like Bella pretended to be Jacob.

And then, the Deus ex machina solution for Bella’s behaviour as a new-born vampire. It’s never really explained, why she can control herself that well.
And of course she has to have amazing super powers that save the day.

I won’t get into the pregnancy issue that much so many people complained about, I actually thought that the explanation was okay.

But Jacob imprinting on Renesmee was plain wrong. Their thought that it was Renesmee all along, that’s why Jacob and Bella were drawn to each other – stupid. Especially since one of Jake’s friends imprinted on a girl he went to school with, but never noticed before. If the logic of the drawn-together thing holds up, Jake’s friend (I think it was Embry, but I’m not completely sure) would have had to feel some attraction toward that girl before.

And starting with a character assassination (Jacob) and then swerving around for no good reason and with no good explanation is somehow worse than going ahead and finishing the job.


I think Meyer tried too hard to give everybody a happy ending and in the end that ruined the book. Too many inconsistencies and too much magically going right.

New Moon and Eclipse (Stephenie Meyer)

[My review for Twilight, the first book in the series.]

New Moon (second book) and Eclipse (third book) are just like Twilight. Altogether, it’s a very constant writing performance by Stephenie Meyer. Catchy and page-turner-y, written lightly and a very quick read (took me three days for each).


In New Moon, we get a whole lot more Jacob than in Twilight, which I personally enjoyed – I very much like Jacob. But then again, I’m a bit werewolf-phil, so that’s no surprise.

Meyer seems to have read Laurell K. Hamilton (at least until she got dirty), there are some things recognisable (like the love triangle).

And I loved Sam’s and Emily’s story. So very romantic. *sigh*

It’s a bit questionable that Bella can’t seem to survive without Edward… or Jacob. Her life totally depends on one of them being there. Don’t like that too much, but okay, I can live with that.

The book dragged a bit in the middle, but altogether, it was good.

In Eclipse, things move forward at a faster pace. The vampire-werewolf alliance was no surprise, on the contrary I wonderer about what took them so long to get there.

Jacob’s such a poor guy. He’s sweet and good-looking and nice and always there for Bella and still, he doesn’t have a chance with her, ever. How some people seem to think that he does, is beyond me. I don’t really like what she does with him in this book though. He gets so moody and sometimes behaves pretty crappy.

But then again, I don’t like how bossy Edward got, either. At least, Bella rebels against that.

Still, apart from that, I liked it. And I can’t wait to get Breaking Dawn.

Twilight (Stephenie Meyer)

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer is a light read, but very good nonetheless.

The story is not so innovative, but in this case, I really don’t care. I like the characters, the prose is good and the story sweet. And it’s written with a good sense of humour.

It’s very light hearted and not so dark as the usual Vampire novels.

I really, really liked it and I’ll definitely get the other books.

This year in December (meaning in January it will be here), the movie adaptation will come out. With Robert Pattinson (aka Cedric Diggory) as Edward and Kristen Stewart as Bella.
The trailer looks like the movie is very different from the book, much darker, but you can see for yourself.